lessons learned and funny things from my travels.

– 1 in 8 people in DC have AIDS. I guess I’ll be staying away from the chainlink fences.

– My friend Mike Swire was doing the hand jive to a random song, and at a given part accidentally punched a girl in the back of the head. If you go through the hand jive motions now, you’ll know when.

– The song “Unbreak My Heart” would be hysterical at a wedding. Like, if that was the grooms vows. And people came out of the pews singing it and shit. People would be like, “isn’t that a sad song?”. How funny would this be?  (click the link below if you need refreshing on the song)

I think I might start letting a bunch of black cats run loose in parking lots, airports, and hospitals…just to fuck with people. Or just to hear a frustrated doctor yell, “why the fuck is there a cat in the emergency room!!”

– My friend Matt told me to, “grow up” at one point in the evening. I called him Captain Hook. Because if Captain Hook truly is the nemesis of Peter Pan then “growing up” must be his thing.

– I put the ass in potassium.

– It would be terrible to run into an ex-girlfriend in line for a roller coaster. Ya know how the line will go up, back, up, back – you would awkwardly run into them about 13 times before the ride.

– Ziggy Marley came out and simply said the word “Love!” over and over. White people went nuts.

– All a black artist has to do for white people to be like, “damn, he’s saying some important shit” is to say the word Africa in any song. Even if it makes no sense white people will be like, “…amen”.

– “conversation piece” would be a great name for any smoking device. or the “weed whacker”, but i dont like saying the word “whack” too many times.

– Some guy was trying to start fights with people all night, like this guy was getting red in the face just trying to get into a fight. He was short and loud, itching for someone to be like, “ya know what….fuck you you little piece of shit.” However, since it is a 311 concert and “hate” is not  commone theme noone challenged him. So the bouncers caught wind of this guy being foolish and came into the crowd to kick him out. To disguise himself someone put an authentic chinese rice paddy hat to wear.

this guy would stand out at a 311 show...right?
this guy would stand out at a 311 show...right?

This made him stand out even more, seeing that he was the only person at Nissan Pavillion wearing one of these hats. The security LITERALLY stood right next to him and was like, “alright, where is he?”. Not a single person narced because he was in such a clever disguise (and noone wanted this psychopath to beat them up). They left without catching him. I have never seen anyone blend into a crowd by deliberately sticking out. It was unbelievable.

– A 5 foot 3 inch, old man, with a long white beard and hair, wearing all New Orleans Saints gear, drinking a 32oz Budweiser can was standing directly behind me in the pit. He kept saying to this guy that wanted to fight, “c’mon man…it’s 311”

– 311 concerts make people reflect. Here is another phone pic for your viewing pleasure…

311 = Zen
311 = Zen

– I heard a guy say, “ya know, I think I can leave a man behind”–his friends seemed to disagree.

– A 17 year old kid walked up to a group of similarly aged girls and, in a feeble attempt to pick them up said, “ayyyy can any of you ladies spare a dollar?” They all said no. What was this guy thinking?? As if one of the girls was gonna be like, “I don’t…but….what’s your name?”

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1 thought on “lessons learned and funny things from my travels.”

  1. “conversation piece”, agreed. alternatively, you could name your high-yield, low-input device (like a vaporizer for instance…) the “conservation piece” … for when you need to make that dimebag go the extra mile.

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