So you know where you live is the shit, but don’t know exactly why. Well my friends, here’s why…
1) The Flag:
– The Maryland flag is certainly the most beautiful in all of the Union. The 2 symbols represent the symbols of the Calvert (black and yellow) and Crossland (red and white) families. It is the best combination of colors ever thought of. The flag flies high, representing the beauty of this state. The waving flag boasts to all who see it that they are in the presence of true greatness. I mean…damn. Just look at it. What other state flag is nearly as cool as this?
2) Cal Ripken Jr:
– Cal Ripken is quite possibly the greatest man to ever live. The guy played 2,632 games straight. He is a legend. He was the Michael Jordan of the Baltimore Orioles. If Cal Ripken ran for governor…he would win. Hell, if someone wanted to raise a militia in this state, Cal Ripken should be the spokesperson because EVERYONE would join. Ripken wore the number 8 and young Marylanders everywhere that played little league would kill a bitch for that number. Cal Ripken is a hero, legend and pimp all in one. What a guy.
3) America in Miniature:
– Maryland has earned the nickname, “America in Miniature” for good reason. Maryland has the beach in the east, mountains in the west and the bay in the middle. It has un-relentless crime in the ghettos of Baltimore and red-necky southern people in south-central. Farmlands, ports, battlefields, quaint cities like Annapolis, clean air, and of course the Mason Dixon. Foreign people fly to Maryland to experience all that this nation has to offer. Why ever leave?
– The Maryland blue crab, pulled right from the Chesapeake bay, is a dish MD calls its own. No other state eats crabs like us. We eat that shit up. People from Jersey or New York always need help when it comes time for a feast – and there is always a kind-hearted Marylander there to help. People ship our crabs all around the planet for good reason… they are delicious. What would a summer in Maryland be without beer, crabs and football because…after all…
5) Old Bay:
– So in order to fully enjoy our crabs, we created our own spice. Old Bay can literally be put on anything. Personally I have put it on pizza, chicken, corn, popcorn, pasta, baked potatoes, shrimp, green beans…the list goes on. No lie, one time i sprinkled it on a bowl and smoked it…MARYLAND CHRONIC BABY. Some people in other states have never heard of Old Bay- fuck them. On the back of every can it says, “Maryland, with pride”. Say no more Old Bay, say no more.
– One of the best places to get hurt in the world, Maryland contains some of Earth’s best medical care. Johns Hopkins University Medical Center is like, the hospital. People get flown from around the world to MD so we can fix them. In fact, our state was a pioneer in the helicopter shock trauma unit that is now standard in the US. So don’t worry about falling ill in Maryland, we got your back.
7) Star Bangled Banner
– The lyrics come from “Defence of Fort McHenry,” a poem written in 1814 by the 35-year-old amateur poet Francis Scott Key. He wrote it after witnessing the bombardment of Fort McHenry by the Brits on the Chesapeake Bay during the Battle of Baltimore in the War of 1812. So, when the rest of America needed a song, they looked no further than this hot joint penned on the Bay. How cool is it that there was a Battle of Baltimore? Have you ever heard of a Battle of Topeka? I didn’t think so. Oh and how can I forget, in Maryland when the part comes where we all say, “Oh, say does that star spangled banner yet wave” we all yell, “OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Go Orioles baby! Whenever you are at a sporting event in MD you MUST say it this way (but if not in MD…we still say it anyway.)
8) Famous Peoples:
– The Free State has created some really famous ass people. Here we go: Jim Henson, Edward Norton, Oprah lived here, Tupac lived in Baltimore and went to an art school there, Edgar Allan Poe lived here, David Hasslehoff, Jada Pinkett Smith, Scott Van Pelt, Travis Pastrana, Thurgood Marshall, John Wilkes Booth, Karen Allen (Marion in the Indiana Jones movies), Montell, Cal Ripken Jr., Babe Ruth, Johnny Unitas, Michael Phelps, Upton Sinclair, Ric Ocasek (The Cars), Frederick Douglass, Harriet Tubman, Tom Clancy, Francis Scott Key, Toni Braxton, Frank Zappa, Billie Holiday… the list goes on. Maryland is just full of greatness.
9) The Chesapeake Bay:
The Old Line State boasts the nations largest estuary, the Chesapeake Bay. The bay divides the state in two, giving us our signature, “tommy gun” look. It’s effects can be felt in 6 states and Washington DC, making this one hot body of water. At one point the cool looking Bay-Bridge was the world’s longest continuous over-water steel structure. Take that San Francisco you hippie bastard. If you have ever seen our bay you know it is the most beautiful landscape to be found in the 13 Colonies. Save the Bay.
10) We Started It:
– The first post office was in Baltimore in 1774
– The first continuous newspaper in the US was the Maryland Gazette in 1727
– The first telegraph line in the world was established between DC and Baltimore in 1844
– The St. Francis Academy was the first dental school on the planet in 1828
– The Baltimore Water Company was established in 1792 making it the first water company in America
– the Mount Claire Station in Baltimore was built in 1820 making it the first railroad station in the US
– The nation’s first umbrellas were built in Baltimore starting in 1828
– We are the only state to develop a distinct breed of dog – the Chesapeake Bay Retriever
Well there you have it, 10 of the billions of reasons why Maryland is the shit. Tell your friends and read more.