“i just bumped into my future, and it was hideous.”

loud is such a relative word. loud to one person might be completely silent to another. someone could walk in the room right now and think i have a hearing problem for all i know.

ben stiller really looks like a monkey in, “there’s something about mary.” which now that i think of it sounds a lot better than, “there is something about mary.” ya know?

australopithecus afarensis
australopithecus afarensis

a watched pot never boils…always true.

how impossible would it be to tackle a guy like kimbo slice or ray lewis…i don’t think that is possible. to just have someone like, “GO!” and you dash at them trying to knock them over…that is just not gonna happen.

like a bug trying to tackle a castle
like a bug trying to tackle a castle

i like controlling heat with pots and pans, they are usually reliable every time i use them. what if one day you got up to make ramen and you have a pan that has holes in it…that smells like a cathastrophe to me.

this guy on cashcab has something that resembles wooden teeth. like he has cigarette butts for teeth. get him something. a mouth-gard. anything

cashcab is weird because when its being shot, its just 2 guys in a cab. they dont see it in weird car angles like we do. its just some guy in the back seat like, “uhhhhh….richard nixon?”

who was the first president with a first name that begins with R?
who was the first president with a first name that begins with "R"?

is it a suprise to anyone that billy mays OD’d on cocaine? is that even true? i haven’t checked the source of this rumor. anyone? he spent all day- everyday yelling at the top of his lungs. believe it or not!?

a young george clooney plays Roseann’s boss in one episode

“all you pay for is the postage stamp”….really? can’t they pay for that too?

the cat genie is a toilet for your cat that requires its own plumbing system.

soon they will be hooked up to a roman aqueduct
soon they will be hooked up to a roman aqueduct

Rutherford B. Hayes is the answer to the above caption. Our 19th President, in office from 1877 to 1881. Listen to how eerily similar this sounds compared to George W. Bush

[-Rutherford Birchard Hayes (October 4, 1822 – January 17, 1893) was an American politicianlawyermilitary leader and the 19th President of the United States(1877–1881). Hayes was elected President by one electoral vote after the highly disputed election of 1876. Losing the popular vote

stone cold playa
stone cold playa

to his opponent, Samuel Tilden, Hayes was the only president whose election was decided by a congressional commission]

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