“im the lone ranger lookin for pocahontas”

please listen to the following as you read this:

haha, what a funny voice. i think i can actually sing like this guy. how many immature people were like, “DID HE GET HIT IN THE BALLS???” First of all, who do you know that has ever been hit in the balls and had to speak in a falsetto? Hmm? That’s right, no one. Unless you are like Daffy Duck or some shit.

So the US has effectively banned my favorite cigarette the “Black” or clove cigarette. I loved these things because they tasted nothing like regular tobacco cigarettes. The reason for the ban is because they say that flavored cigarettes, like my beloved clove, are like a gateway for children into the wide world of tobacco. What the fuck? What a bullshit reason. How many 13 year olds do you know that smoke cloves over Marlboro? NONE! They are more expensive and harder to find. So now responsible adults, like me, are given the old Federal Shaft. Thanks government for taking something from me that, now that i think about it, might actually prolong my life. Can you believe these assholes?


So im watchin the History channel and they are talking about some Scandinavian tablet found in Minnesota that is etched, dated for 1362. For all of you who haven’t been struck by the gravity of the previous sentence, Columbus discovered the Americas in 1492. So, this means that some Nordic punks may/or may not have made it to the midwest about 100 years before Chris got to the coast. What does this mean? Nothing really. Just that Europeans made it here sooner than we thought. Oddly, they claim these Scandinavians were escaping persecution in their homeland by coming here. That seems to be the common theme of our country. If they hate you where you’re from, come here.

not found in the 2009 Ikea catalog
not found in the 2009 Ikea catalog

still listening to Bee Gee’s? I hope so.

Recently while sitting by a fire, the topic of discussion arose regarding, “how much it would suck to be burned at the stake.” Man, that would really suck. Other thoughts about fire were:

– if you got really close, im talkin reallllly close, to the sun. would the colors be different? or would it be transparent? I’m sure there is an answer.

– a raging campfire began inside a blue Bic lighter…that would fuck every caveman’s mind up

– having a campfire, with an itunes playlist on random, narrowed by typing in the word “fire”…works well.

– can you see the man on the phone in this fire? cool right? props to Mike’s Weeny.

can you see the man on the phone in this fire?????
yes, that's me in the chair circa 2004

KFC sucks. Popeyes is much better. Take it from me, your local fried chicken expert.

Whatever happened to Josh Hartnett? He really faded out. “Lucky Number Sleven”? More like, “I Need a Job.” Hartnett probably went to cash a check that he wrote for Sleven Hundred Dollars – – – and zero cents. He probably wasn’t given any real currency.

from rich to poor latino sketch
from rich to poor latino sketch

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