the green skeleton tells no secrets

– “When I found out Monique had a secret, I was upset because we don’t KEEP secrets!” – said the mother of a woman who was about to reveal that she was a stripper, escort, and hooker on Maury

keepin a muufuckin secret
keepin a muufuckin secret

– Wait until referring to the internet as “the internet” is going to make us sound old. Some 14 year old punk in 2064 is gonna be saying shit like, “…so last night I was at home on the alkSGFBosfdj80.”

– do you think that when you spray a wasp with Off or Raid, and they don’t die, they go back to their hives and others avoid them? Like, “Jesus Chris, you smell like shit man!” Must be a hard life.

lonely cause he stinks of Raid, not a wasp-chick magnet if you ask me
he has the cologne of death

– Speaking of Off bug spray, they should start a whole new ad campaign with a hot girl talking to another hot girl like, “I got Off last night. Did you???” “Oh….I got Off alright.”

new double sided off spray cans
new double sided off spray cans

– If I was a millionaire I would have a shower in my home of coca cola/champagne/bourbon (a person would change it periodically to mix it up for me, sometimes they would mix the coke and bourbon…but only when I put in a request for that)

– woah, cool beginning to a song.

– Okay judgement call time. My ancestry is based mainly in Syria, Lebanon, and Russia…all of which are on the continent of Asia. So, does this mean I am predominantly Asian? I think it does.

– This problematic lyric has been stuck in my head for a while now, thank you T.I.’s smash hit “Whats Happening, What’s Up?”:

“Who get the last laugh now sucka nigga…”

– I watched someone casually pick their nose and take my credit card from me, after that they gave me the card back…this time ripe with a few more diseases than it had originally. In this swine flu season, fuck that guy.

sure, you can get 20 dollars on pump 7
"sure, you can get 20 dollars on pump 7"

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