– So I was at Epcot last week, and right before leaving the “American Adventure” area of the park I look directly into the eyes of an infant in a stroller and say, “….were in Japan.” Unfortunately for me, this child couldn’t speak but the look of fear in his eyes rivaled that of Eminem’s mother on a bad day.
– I only put Visine in one eye and posed as a man called “Red-Eye” – he only has one eye… thats red…that’s it.
– Speaking of Eminem, why is he so upset all the time? Everything he says is about murdering people. Why? What type of conversations do people have with him in waiting rooms or at Thanksgiving dinners? Why cant he just write a song called, “Who Cares, Be Happy”
– “I’m really happy for you, I’m gonna let you finish, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time.” – Kanye West The best part of this quote is when he said, “im gonna let you finish.” How funny is that?
– So thank god they are killing the DC Sniper today. Fuck that guy. It’s kinda weird though, we all know it is just a matter of time before someone else just snaps and goes crazy in public. This is a good time to tell my DC Sniper joke:
“My beer pong name is John Lee Malvo….cause I’m the DC Sniper.” OOHHHHH SHITTTTTTTTTT…good joke.
– 311 in Richmond November 29th!!! Who’s goin??? Fuck yeahhhhhhhhhh.
– I recently went to a Wingery called “WOW” – anyway, after I ate 1lb of wings (which was the smallest unit of measure they had) I ordered the fabled Incredible Hulk: Half Hypnotiq~Half Hennessy. Why did i do this? Liquor and Buffalo sauce….equals enslavement for those within a 15 foot radius of me.
– Remember Valentines Day in 4th grade? Everyone had their own box that they decorated, and everyone brought in their own business card sized valentines. I always went for the Aladdin kind. I wish we could write resume’s on those and hand them to the employer. I’d give him the “Sultan” valentine/resume and he’d hire me on the spot. Jafar would be good too. Not that Raja bitch though.