shout out to the pretzel hawk

– So i got a zit where the crease of my nostril meets my upper lip area. This happens to everyone at some point in time. And because you qualify as everyone, you know that it sucks. I am aware of it’s presence, but because it is lodged in this unreachable crevasse on my face..there is nothing i can do about it. All attempts are exercises in futility. Ya know?

– Ugggh, fries do NOT keep well in the refrigerator. When you bite into a cold, 8-hour-old fry, it tastes like someone threw sand into your mouth.

– This song is just funny. Shout out to AJ who absolutely loves this song.

– People find voices funny. Even if what you say is not very smart, they like it. For example, I was talking like a pirate to some people yesterday…and they were uncontrollably laughing. Why could this be? Did I really sound that much like a pirate? Or does their laughter simply reflect their simplemindedness? We will never know. This is a good thing to keep in mind. Next time I get pulled over I’ll say to the cop, “yarrrrrrrrr, what seeeeeeems to be the prablarmmm arrrficarrrrr?” and hopefully he will say, “hahahahahaha, aww hell just go.”

– While in Florida, I watched a woman on a motorized wheelchair ram directly into the achilles of a man standing in front of her. He was pissed and alarmed at first, but his face was then quickly turned to sympathy. Sympathy, eh? Why? For an obese woman that chooses not to walk? How dare she drive that rascal into his legs. Outrage should have remained on his face until she left at approximately 3-mph.

this guy can break social mores without anyone saying anything

– To whomever thought of mixing honey and mustard, thank you.

– Sammy Sosa…what….the fuck. This man has bleached his skin!!!! Look it up on your own, I’m too creeped out to keep talking about it.

see, being white can still be cool

– And now it’s time for a TRUE DAT FACT: Lightning strikes about 6,000 times per minute on this planet…true dat.

– The only time it’s not cool to be 311:


– So get this. Im at work tonight, and I go to get a cash out from my manager. He has to go onto the computer screen and do some administrative bullshit before I can leave. Anyway, we are standing there – and one of the promoters that I waited on tonight comes up to him and says, “this guy…..did a really good job tonight.” It was a compliment from a credible source. My reaction, I immediately started laughing. Laughing in the, “OHHH SHITTTTTTTTT” type of way. Oh, I got my jollys alright.


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