alicia keys pees in greece (say it out loud)

– I went to the mall with my sister today, she wanted a new winter hat for her b-day. We go into Hollister, for some reason, to look for one of these hats. Inside are a few manequins donning some cool looking winter caps. My sister and I search the entire store, but no hats are to be found. So I go to the sales rep, who looks like a manequin himself and ask, “Excuse me, where are the girls winter hats, like the one on the manequin.” And he says to me, “Oh…we dont sell the stuff on the manequins in this store.” What……..the fuck?

– I deposited a jar of coins today that I keep on my desk – the total was $58.34. Not bad.

– My hair is getting long, but so are my sideburns. They are starting to encroach on my ears, and become puffy on the sides. You know what I’m talkin about. What do I do about this? Trim em or leave em? Only time will tell.

my future

– My sister and I went to see Paranormal Activity at 11:20 on a Sunday. No joke, we were the only 2 people in the theater. At a horror movie, that is kinda creepy. Luckily we got to blurt out the occasioal, “don’t go down there you stupid bitch!” or when the ghost knocked into something pretending it would say, “sorry, my b guys…my b.”

demons hate bedframes from Rent-A-Center

– My dog is NOT allowed in the room I’m typing in, nor is she allowed in my bedroom. I have trained her so now when she walks in I have to say, “hey!” and she turns and walks out. Pretty funny to watch.

– On the Metro the other day I’m sitting there, heading home after work at about 2:30 in the morning. Anyway, some dude is puttin his head on the seat in front of him, acting weird. In my head I’m thinking, “look at this drunk mother fucker.” I was suprised that he wasn’t getting sick on the spot. He gets off, and I look where he is sitting, and there is a giant pile of vomit on the floor. I knew it!! I was glad that I had predicted this, but then my glee turned to curiosity. Curiosity regarding who the hell has to clean that up? The Metro must be prepared for this every night; they must have some sort of system for cleaning it. As my girlfriend likes to say, “gross me out of town.”

some people need self control

– My dog brought the leg of what I think is a bird to the back door today. This thing looked like a talon of an ostrich or something. I really cant tell you what animal this leg could possibly belong to. But my dog must have hunted that bitch down and killed the shit out of it.

i swear it looked like this

– Chugwater, Wyoming…a real place that has fraternities sponsored by Evian, Dasani and Kirkland Water.

peer pressuring citizens to hydrate since 1805

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