– Today i went to the National Aquarium in Charm City. By chance it cost us only $1 to get in versus the typical $29.99. Because of the low price there were many gang members with their illegitimate kids running around. I heard many things like, “that’s a muufuckin catfish son” and “where the sloths at?”
– So my hair now is a little longer than it usually is. A latino man at work recently said to me, “how many times do joo comb jour hair a day?” To which I replied, “zero.” He than asked if my boss ever saw it and told me to cut it. When I told him my boss hadn’t said anything there was a brief pause…….then I asked,”why, do you not like it or something?” He than said in broken english, “uhhhh, well…. I like, 30% don’t like it.” I was only 70% offended, but I’ll accept his criticism and move on.
– Would you watch a youtube video called Life in HD – and it depicted things like a sunrise, traffic lights, a beach?? If it’s in HD, I’ll watch a Moose tap dancing on an ice rink.
– At what point are you declared a nudist? Ya know? At what point in time is it official? I can see it slowly developing into a sudden realization. Like, it’s easy to see how someone can brush their teeth naked, but when you rake the lawn or drive a car naked then one day you’re like, “….oh, oh my god….I’m a nudist.” Does the nudists “coming out party” ever take anyone by surprise? They can see it coming a mile away.
– I think I have determined that drinks that resemble urine are not for me. Red Bull is the only one. But cloudy, urine-like beer…just gross.
– PIZZZZZAAAAAAAA in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at supper timeeee. When pizza’s on a bagel you can eat PIZZA anytime!! Modern advertising needs to take a lesson from this iconic commercial.
– Why do babies stare at me? I feel like King of Babies sometimes. I do fear, however, that when I make nonverbal eye chatter with infants their parents will see me. I dont think they would say anything, but it might be a little awkward. I’d probably say something like, “hey, it’s between me and the baby.”
– I had no idea that it was going to snow the other day, until i woke up and looked outside. I was surprised, and flabbergasted quite frankly. I think that is a good way to live. Never being prepared for the weather. That way you have to experience it for yourself. For those reading in Hurricane/Avalanche/Flash Flood prone locations, please don’t take my advice.
– Remember in Aladdin when the Genie got those shackles on his wrists and had to do what Jafar told him to do? That Genie sucked. The rest of the movie he was so funny, but the shackles Genie needed some prozac or something. Seriously, that Genie bummed me the fuck out.