ode to the maze

– Why would you ever, and i mean…ever, go on Maury? You will only recieve bad news.

– I saw this poster while walking down the street in DC. If Christ stopped while carrying the cross on his back, and asked me for directions I would be like, “uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

the messiah needed a tom tom

– When you are in a major city, often times you will see a street vendor selling winter hats, umbrellas, and Barack Obama T-Shirts. Do these people have pimps? At the end of the day does a guy roll up in a Buick like, “where the fuck be my money?” The street vendors are like, “Heyyy Charlayyy, well, funny you ask, I only sold a fake Prada purse and a Yankees hat…can I get the rest to you by Wednesday?” To which Charlayy the pimp replies, “you will pay me what you owe plus interest…and this Simpsons Scarface shirt.”

comes in S, M, L and Give You A Rash

– One time when I was playing baseball in little league, I brought a coca cola in my water jug. I pretended the whole time it was water. Could you imagine playing a sport, and instead of water drinking a soda when you are sweating and out of breath? Foolishly I let someone try it and word got to the coach. He then proceeded to lecture me about how terrible that was for my health. His wisdom was lost on me at the time, but now I get where he was coming from.

– Running into people you don’t want to see sucks. What stupid conversations arise from this. When the convo gets to the topic of “the recession”….you know you have reached the bottom.

– And now for another TRUE DAT FACT!! The “L.L.” in L.L. Bean stands for Leon Leonwood…true, white people, dat.

talk about LeonWOOD!!

– While most children’s books talk about silly grasshoppers, and judgmental elephants…this one has a different subject…

“daddy, prison is….nice.”

– Legend has it that a goat herd in Ethiopia around the year 850 stumbled upon an evergreen plant (coffee) and ate it. The goats then started acting crazy, stayed up late at night, smoked a lot of cigarettes and opened the first Starbucks. Their herder, amazed at the people-like attributes of his goats, tried the plant for himself. He then walked 33 miles in the rain to the nearest town, never slept again, and bought the first gift card to Starbucks. Coffee (named after Kaffa, the province in Ethiopia) then became The Beatles of liquids.

“We’re the coffee of music”

2 thoughts on “ode to the maze”

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