like playing golf in a snow storm

– If you told someone from 1926 that it now costs over $25 to go see a movie and get some popcorn, they would probably say, “How did you manage to travel back in time?”

"you pay more than 10 cents for a picture show? what a dummy."

– All these shows about ghosts in peoples houses really make me believe ghosts. In fact, I watch these shows so frequently that I now believe ghosts are in my house. I cannot stress enough that there are no wandering souls in my home, but whenever it is windy outside…let me tell you.

– I hope the tagline for one of the Die Hard movies was, “Old Habits Die Hard”

"you better give them old muufuckin habits up bruce"

The Haunted is a ghost show on Animal Planet – when the show first started it dealt with strange acting dogs, and spooked horses. The newer shows barely have a single animal in them. It seems Animal Planet is the new MTV. Cause, ya know, MTV stands for Music Television.

catch the new series called: Just Sand

– Is it morbid of me to want to make a Funeral Playlist”?  If something were to happen I sure as hell would need some Sugar Ray up in there.

– Have you seen these new commercials where someone says to another person drinking a soda, “Haven’t you heard?!? That has high fructose corn syrup in it.” What has the world come to? If I was asked that I’d be like, “….yeah??”

America

– The electric chair was invented by a dentist. Think of that next time you are strapped into the smooth jazz torture chamber. Oh, and TRUE DAT FACT BITCH!

If I was a priest, I would not wear black all the time. Why not mix it up with some denim or plaid. That would be one down ass priest.

– Kleenex has a new website called GetMommed.com, last time I checked GetMommed.net was a porn site…and GetMommed.gov was an adoption agency.

kleenex cleans off all types of messes

– I think it would be cool to just wake up one day and be a virtuoso at playing instruments. Like I would pick up a guitar and play the most intricate songs ever known. Being an adult and knowing this won’t happen, I pretend by picking up maracas and, for a split second, I think I’m a master of all instruments.

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