– Why do we take out the “Wisdom Teeth?” Aren’t they supposed to make us “wise” or something. Shouldn’t they be called, “Fuck Up Your Mouth Teeth” or something like that?
– Why would you ever drink a vodka that sounds like chewing tobacco?
– Ya know, if you want guacamole at Chipotle they say, “ess a lil eyyggstra.” I looked at the receipt today, and that little extra is $1.55!!! Holy shit! What the hell? Why so much? Im just a poor consumer who enjoys a green, snot like condiment on his burrito. It seems big business hates me…and you too.
– I had my dog in my car today, and for the first time ever she stuck her whole head out the window. I’ve only seen that in pharmaceutical commercials. Dreams come true every day.
– If Alfred Hitchcock was alive today and made Vertigo, do you think he would have included this song?
He definitely would not. Remember when this song was synonymous with the IPod? Oh U2…UBore Me
– You know you’re old when you can relate to this sentence: “Yeah, well I got my W-2’s in the mail.”
– On a different branch of the previous statement, I hate when 24 year olds are like, “How old are you? 22? Oh my god I feel sooooo olldddddddd.” Shut up, just because your life sucks already doesn’t mean you have to be puttin all that shit on me.
– I went to Wal Mart today to buy a memory card. I hate going there, I feel like when you walk in the door all you see is a wasteland of the old, poor, redneck, and fat. I say it, but you all agree. It is rare to meet someone who “loves” wal mart. Target is like the upper class version of wal mart. Almost identical, but the social demographic inside is a little different. I personally prefer KMart, when you go in there it is like a bomb went off inside a Goodwill. Noone is at the cash register, some kid is testing out a bike in the detergent aisle, and a grown man is perusing the childrens underwear section.
– If you like 311…ask yourself…what the fuck am i watching?
– TRUE DAT FAX: Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors.