pretend to be a doctor

– I wonder what Bear Grylls is like around other people. We only see him alone in a desert someplace, what is he like at PTA meetings or cocktail parties? I guess it is safe to say that he is truly anti-social. Nooooot a people person.

at every social function he is caught staring longingly out the window, sighing.

– Pizza is kind of like a salty pastry.

– Police officers have ruined an entire car. Whenever I see a Crown Victoria I think it’s a cop. And it usually is. Sometimes I realize it is just an old man from Pennsylvania, but i still think, “he used to be a cop.” It’s not fair! They can’t just claim a car. They sometimes use Dodge Chargers/Chevy Impala’s….but we all know who the boss is.

making people say, "oh shit!" whenever seen in the rearview

– What does the real Reno Sheriff’s department think of Reno 911? Probably a love/hate type scenario.

– Glass is the only thing I wouldn’t mind blowing.


– You know what sucks? When the batteries in your remote start dying. At first it is subtle, and you shake it off like when you hear a sound somewhere in your house. But soon you start really pushing the buttons and holding your arm in a wide array of positions to send the laser to the TV.  And knowing how I am, it’ll be about 4 months until I actually buy batteries.

-If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. MONUMENT DAT FACT SON! Knowing this, I wonder how the war generals of today are gonna be seen in monuments of the future. Will the wheels of a Hummer take the place of a horse? Think about it.


– Some guy is hunting for Atlantis like people hunt for the Loch Ness Monster. Sometimes you just gotta know when to give up. Could you imagine though, breaking news, “THIS JUST IN!!! Atlantis finally discovered off the coast of Greece. And at 11, how to keep your pesky pets from tracking dirt into the house.”

– “Man v. Food” and “I Shouldn’t Be Alive” seem like shows that could be about the same thing.


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