– The only time it isn’t so bad to have dandruff is when it is snowing.
– There are 2 guys that come into work and insist on me calling them, “mother fuckers.” No lie.
– Retrofitted fo yo ass. Luckily Nick Hexum has found some rhythm since this video was made.
– I think texting is a fad. I say this because whenever you stand still for about 1 minute, at least one person in your line of sight is texting. And when you put a lot of people together, they are busy texting the people that decided to be someplace else. I think people in a few decades will think of the early 2010’s as, “that time when people texted and gave up other forms of human interaction.” Kind of like when people used to disco or wear fedoras. Think about it. All that needs to happen is another, better, more convenient way to communicate – and texting is history.
– Many people have told me that they like the True Dat Facts section, so today I thought I would try something different….
“Better Ingredients, Better Pizza is not just a slogan, it’s a way of life!” – Papa John SAY WHAT? QUOTE MUFUCKAA!!! How is that a way of life?
– Whenever I see that show “Teen Mom” on the guide I think it says “Teen Wolf”, and my cursory excitement is quickly replaced by pity. And why is Teen Mom being played on Music Television? Anybody have an answer for this?
– Recently my friend told me that another one of our friends was studying law at UConn. To which I honestly, and almost angrily responded, “YUKON! What the fuck is he doing in the Yukon Territory?” I was wrong. Shout out to Matt Brown who has openly admitted that he does not read this.
– On December 3, 1967 in South Africa the first heart transplant was performed on a man named Louis Washkansky. Could you imagine how the doctors tried to tell Louis what they had in mind for him? “Well…we are going to take your heart out…yes, completely…and put in the heart of a….24 year old woman that just died in a car accident.” He probably asked them, “has this been done before? Sounds kind of …risky.” To which the doctor replied….”well, no we have never tried this.” Somehow the man agreed to a transplant and it worked miraculously. A month passed however and his body said, “AWW FUCK NO!” and he died of complications from the surgery.
– Now…think of the second person that got the surgery. His name was Philip Blaiberg, and in 1968 doctors figured they should try it again. He probably asked, “Well, if I am the second, how did the first one go?” The sweaty doctor said, “haha, well…funny you should ask that Phil. He died because of the transplant…but that was a whole year ago! Science has changed by leaps and bounds!” Philip must have thought this sounded like an enticing plan, so he too decided to get a heart transplant. Shortly after the operation Phil got a severe liver and lung condition BECAUSE of the transplant, and died in a little over a year.
– Now…think of the third person. Eventually doctors just stopped recommending this to people.