valley of the kings

– How do people that hypnotize others figure out their power? Like one day they are talking to someone when they are 13 like, “So I was focusing really hard on the clock and….Bill…..Bill?…..Bill.”

and just like that, 8 year old Bill lost his capacity for free will

– Now that the winter olympics are on again, we are gonna hear a lot of people be called “lugers” on TV. luuuuuuuger

– When it snows such an ungodly amount as it did this past week, I think to myself that this would be a great time for a zombie attack. Think about it. Nowhere to run, literally.

I know you're in there! Your car is parked outside!!! I can see you!

– I wonder what would happen if some random company used a family comprised of all different races to sell it’s product. For example, the family sitting around a table eating a box of Honey Nut Cherrios would be a black father, an asian mother, and an aboriginal kid. It would sell.

– My car battery died and the metro train derailed at the stop where i work….needless to say, I took the night off.

– I ate raw salmon the other day out of the package from Costco. I wanted to feel like a bear, if only for a moment.

im the guy on the left

– Usermontu was this upper class, Egyptian dude back in the day. He was mummified and found to have had knee surgery 2500 years before it was thought possible. He had a sterling silver pin in his knee cap, something that modern medicine only recently figured out. Yet another clue that aliens came down and told the Egyptians what was up.


– Speaking of Egypt, if aliens came back they would be like, “YO YO Egypt, whats goin…..on. Ohhhhhh. Oh man, you guys lost it.”


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