“he’s gonna make the crops grow again!”

– ya know, i don’t think Hooters is truly an equal opportunity employer. If a guy went in there with the best resume imaginable, i’m talkin he served appetizers in Vietnam …Hooters still would not hire him.

we have buffalo shrimp

What if you went to a Hooters and your server comes out and it was a dude? You would be like, “may I see your manager?!” He is the substitute teacher you don’t wanna get.

I wonder if Hooters applications even have the possibility of checking a “male” box under sex.

The managers probably get the Hooters applications and scrutinize them under a bright light, “She has hot handwriting” one of the managers says bluntly.

yep, she's hot.

Gents, you know what I’m talking about with “hot handwriting”. It’s the way a girl writes an “i” or an “n”.

– What if we saw a rapper rise to fame and national significance like Hitler. Like a rapper for some reason can work his way into the highest office we have as a country. People start wearing the same logo on their North Face. I could see it.

– Valentines is often called V-Day.  “Happy V-Day!!” – “OMG did you have a good V-Day?” – “So, what you guys do for V-dayyyyy?” Birthdays are called B-Days, “Have a good B-Day!” – “Congrats on your B-Day bud.” – “Today is my B-Day”. Why isn’t Christmas called a C-Day? “Merry C-Day!” – “So, what you get for C-Day?” – “I’m so full from C-Day dinner!”….instead it’s called X-Mas. The baddest, most not to be fucked with abbreviation of  a holiday. It’s no day, its a mas. Day’s are for pussies.

merry X-Mas mother fucker

– Why can’t a microwave have light up buttons? You would think they do, but they don’t. Check.

– What do dogs think of seafood?

– Go to someone’s house, look at all the pictures they have of their family and vacations and say, “ya know, I don’t… think I really like your style of photography.”

your use of shadows is a little passe

– Here is an example of a list: “Milk, eggs, butter, and toast”

Now when I was younger, I would notice that sometimes the English teacher would write the list like this.

“Milk, eggs, butter and toast”

See, there is no comma after butter this time. Innnnnnteresting. This bothered me for quite sometime. Then, one day I asked the English teacher, “sooo, if there is an “and” in the list we don’t have to put a comma before it?” To which she replied, “nah, do it if you want.” How outrageous! In a class about rules and clauses and strict guidelines there was this one loophole where it really didn’t matter???  This loophole where you can simply “do it if you want?” They should just make a rule! It’s one or the other, it’s not natural to be both.

use it whenever the fuck you feel like it

–  Randy Couture’s new home gym set has this tagline, spoken by a native Long Islander: “You gotta door??? Than you gotta gym!!!”

– This Week Mike is:


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