– PLAY THIS WHILE READING!
– Why don’t hockey teams just hire a morbidly obese person to be their goalie?
– I miss the Man Show.
– It must be really boring to work at a mattress store. Its probably the most boring profession one could ever have. Just a room with a bunch of beds and maybe one customer a day. I’ve had the same bed almost all my life; honestly how many people buy beds a day?
– One time at a party someone asked me where I was from and I looked them in the face and said, “The Badlands”. He believed me.
– In the movie Children of Men, the society is in crisis because there are no women that can bear children. But you know damn well that guys all over are saying to their girlfriends, “soooooo, do i really need to use a condom?”
– To all my Super Smash Brothers out there:
– The slogan for British Columbia is: Super, Natural, British Columbia. To the untrained ear it sounds like: Supernatural British Columbia. Like there are flying saucers for public transport, and ghosts as the elected officials, and garbagemen that perform card tricks. I guess that would make me want to BC.
– Babe Ruth wore a cabbage leaf under is cap to keep him cool. He changed it every 2 innings. TRUE DAT PRODUCE FACT YOUNGGGGG!!
– Watching a dog with diarrhea is like watching a person without bones try to walk…just gross.
– Have you ever thought to yourself, just for a moment, how much gasoline we use in this country everyday?
– Can you believe that we used to have something called a “smoking section” in restaurants…where young children and women eat? The “section” as it was called was simply an area with no walls, vents, partions or fans. Sometimes a 3 foot divider would separate you from the Marlboro Man. However, I do miss the days when the host would say, “well, the non-smoking section is about a 20 minute wait but the smo…..” and you’d be like, “we’ll take it.”
– When in Rome do as the Romans do. When in Sea World, leave.
– Sheetz vs Wawa? Discuss. My vote, Sheetz. You can take the boy outta Brunswick but..well, you know.
– This Week Mike Is: