accidents will happen

– The DC Metro is now charging people 10 cents more to ride their trains. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe the DC Metro in June of last year had two trains collide, causing SIX of its passengers to lose their lives! And just 3 weeks ago, a train DERAILED with passengers on it! And now, for some reason it is justifiable for that same company to say, “look, you guys should pay us a little bit more.” Greed is a stinky cologne. Fuck you Metro, I’m walking.

we're great at our jobs, so pay us more!

– How did the conversation begin where the guy was describing the worlds first toilet? “So, okay, you know how you normally shit outside or in the street? Well, why not into something?? Inside your own house man, full of clean drinking water….you’re right it’s a stupid idea.”

– So Team USA lost the hockey game to Canada. I’m okay with that. Why you ask? Canada is so serious about hockey, they have hockey players on their currency……..damn. It’s like, “woah guys, it’s just a game I mean really.”


– If a black cat is bad luck, is a white dog good luck? I would think so.

– Do you think Paul Revere was ever sitting at a tavern and some guy came up to him like, “So I hear the British are coming.” And Paul Revere said, “Oh they’re comin……….(whisper) they’re comin.”

sounds like a porn

–  Could you imagine prohibition nowadays? If I was my age back in 1919 I would have been like, “WHAT! ARE YOU JOKING? WHY? FOR GOD’S SAKE WHY????” I always say that one way the world would be in peace and harmony is if there was something to unify everyone. Something like an alien invasion or a zombie attack. If you took alcohol away from people, everyone would be like, “Now we got to fix this!! Let’s do something about it…brother.”

– The word “passport” originally meant that whoever had it was granted permission to leave a port or sail into one. Later this was extended to include all exits and entries. TRUE DAT FACT MUUFUCKAA!! Next time one of yo friends brings up passports, BOOM you got that fun fact right up yo sleeve.

this man won't get by security with that photo

– The guys working the Pony Express would have scoffed at the idea of e-mail.


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