A cat has 32 muscles in each ear ~ TRUE DAT TITLE FACT B!!!!!!

– Does this happen to anyone else: You’ll see a picture tagged of someone you know on Facebook news feed (if thats what you call it these days) and you click it. You see the picture, and keep clicking to see more. You go through about 15 pictures before you realize you are looking at a strangers album, with people you don’t know in the pictures. This happens a lot…..right?

– I hate when you are washing your hands and the faucet shuts off. Now you must take your soapy hand and push it back down to get the 7.6 seconds of water to rinse your hands. What a gross feeling. Soapy hands and bacteria ridden spickets. I like that word…spicket.

fuck this guy

– I wonder if a doctor ever tells a patient bad news, then gets slapped.

– This Week Mike Is:


– I think I figured out something really big. Money has a smell. We all know it. If you take out the cash in your wallet and smell it, its intoxicating. Nothing else in the world smells like that. How does it get this smell? Where does it come from? I bet money has a smell so people crave it, wanting it for their trivial things. Does the money in other countries smell different?? It must.

– I saw a woman trip while walking on the sidewalk in DC the other day. She played it off miserably, and then made eye contact with…guess who..me. Her eyes read of shame and tarnished pride.

– You know a man is homeless when he is wearing torn new balances, an inspector gadget trenchcoat covered in dirt, a black beanie, sweat all over his face and him pleading with the Starbucks barista to give him, “just a cup.”

go go gadget newspaper blanket!!

– A different homeless man made eye contact with me and asked me not for money but if, “I could buy him a sandwich from Five Guys.” I wanted to say, “Do you have any idea how much that would cost me???” Its like a slippery slope with these homeless. One guy sees me getting a burger for someone, word will get around and soon they will be like, “Yo man Outback has this great Seared Ahi, you think you could get me one?” I walked by the same gentleman later, he was passed out on the sidewalk, snoring. I must say, I admire his honesty  and to-the- point demeanor.

hey mister, can you spend about 8 bucks on me, i know...its a lot to ask but come on.

– I saw an older woman on a 10-Speed bike the other day, pedaling fast but moving really slow. I wanted to yell, “WRONG GEAR BITCH!” But alas, Im a nice guy.

– I heard someone say today that Wesley Snipes is, “so black, he’s purple.” SAY WHAA QUOTE MUUFUCKA!

– Is Gray the biracial child of Black and White? Does Gray get accepted by members of either color? Is Gray an outcast in social circles? Is Gray made fun of for being gay when they spell their name “Grey”?

– Remember in the 1940’s when guys would say, “Woah, did you see the legs on that dame?” What happened to that? Noone in 2010 is talking about some fine woman’s legs. Legs? Let’s bring that shit back. Women, get them legs ready for Spring 2010.

(insert 1920's construction worker whistle here)

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