don’t worry, i’m alive

sorry everybody, BUT I just got back from 10 days in Rome! More on that next post – here is one from before I left that was just too long to type. Hope you enjoy. I love you.

– Who will be the next president after Obama? Probably another white man. Plunging the US back into the heart of darkness for another 200 years.

– When people are put into a leg cast after breaking their leg, they will typically wear their regular shoe on the other, unharmed leg. As if to say, “hey, I can still be normal.”

nothing will distract us from the unsightly mass on the other leg.

– I saw a woman pushing a double stroller and walking with a kid strapped on her back. If I was her I would be like, “FUCKKK!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE???”

– Making eye contact with someone on the street is weird. If you make eye contact once you are obligated to do it one more time. Almost like a “hello” and a “goodbye” of eye contact between strangers.

– I like being in an urban center while listening to country music. Talk about juxtaposition.

– If you are a man with a pony tail please, for the love of god, grow some facial hair.

– I wish we had something cooler than a wedding ring/band. Why can’t people just shave their head or wear a sign that says, “Future Divorcee”

– Asian people what’s your deal? I saw a bunch of asians take pictures of a bulletin board. Yes, a bulletin board. What’s goin on in that culture I don’t know about?

their family must have hated the slideshow when they got home

– Have you ever stayed somewhere so long the management had to ask you to leave? Think about it.

– I think all American flags should be frayed and tattered. This would give the person viewing it the impression that it was in battle or on a conestoga wagon.

fuck you traditional rectangle

– I just held eye contact with a 3 year old girl as she walked by on the street with her mom. Intense staredown…we were both unwavering. I think she’ll remember me.

– Do Asian people wish they had more hair diversity? Ya know, aside from jet black? Shout out to Dan Chu whose hair I  love.

– I hate seeing people that tie their necktie too long or too short. It’s like, get with it you fuck!

– Why do people insist on wearing tube socks with shorts on? You look like a fool.

– When people start talking about the weather, even if it is the icebreaker, you know it is time to exit the conversation.

– If Starbucks was owned by an evil genius (which it may be) they could easily poison about 93% of America in one day…easily.

there's even a witch in the logo!!!!! how stupid are we?!?

– The United States Postal Service uses an Eagle as their logo, NOT the pony. If you remember the pony was the animal that began the whole mail service to begin with. How rude of the USPS! Ponies everywhere must be truly and deeply saddened.

eagles cant open mailboxes guys...seriously

– I wish there was a Discovery Zone for adults. Or even for kids now that I think about it.

– Are we really alive JUST to reproduce? There’s gotta be something more to it than that. If that was truly the case people would just be gettin down 24/7. Right?

– If I owned a shoe store I’d call it Han Sole-o’s

"no we don't have skywalkers. real original asshole."

– Amputees DON’T ‘put on their pants one leg at a time like everyone else’.

– You can spell Brazil with an ‘s’ or a ‘z’…what the fuck is up with that?

– The DC flag has 3 red stars to show how many people were diagnosed with AIDS that hour.

Bob, Jessie, and Tameka

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