– Imagine if your mom had the Verizon, “Family Locator” app and could pinpoint your exact location. What do teenage kids do these days? Hide the phone in a mailbox at your friends house while they go get drunk in the woods?
– Does anyone else find it fucked up of Conan Obrien to take the tv time slot of George Lopez on TBS! Why not go to Fox where it is unchartered waters. Why not go to USA! Or FX???…HE HAD TO TAKE TBS???? What the fuck for?!? Lopez must be like, “You’ve got to be kidding me….” Very funny.
– The new Toyota Avalon is marketing itself as if it has the seating amenities of an airplane. Why??? People HATE flying on an airplane. The last thing I would want is to replicate an airplane seat every single day of my measly suburban life. Toyota, just keeps fuckin up.
– You can say, “never judge a book by it’s cover” but what about the guy that designs book covers. What a challenging and thankless career path.
– I’m gonna start carrying cigarettes, not because i enjoy smoking them, but because I can easily give them to homeless people in place of money. “No, I don’t have any money, but… you wanna cigarette???” Their answer, without hesitation, “YES!” Foolish homeless man….foolish.
– This cloud of ash from the Icelandic volcano has really fucked up people’s plans. Europe is practically closed to the rest of the world. Something I think most Europeans have been waiting for.
– Has anyone even attempted to pronounce the name of that volcano? Eyjafjallajokull……what Iceland?
– Santa Claus should wear camouflage. Bright red is not a natural color to see on a man breaking into someone’s home in the middle of the night. The red has worked so far, a strategy burglars and thieves should employ. Don’t ask me why I thought of that in April.
– Here is a music video my brother edited of my footage from Rome! Shout out to Caryn the Art Director, America for editing, and oh yeah SUGAR JUNKIE with their hit single “Study Abroad”
– The DC Metro’s slogan should be, “When you depend on a muufucka, that muufucka gonna let you down.”
– “April showers bring May flowers” but “June baths bring July unwanted boners”
– Shere Khan vs Scar…who would win in a fight? Think about it.
– I was at Panera with my grandmother yesterday, and the girl behind the counter printed out our receipt and said, “your number is 420.” Don’t ask me why, but for some reason I replied, “…………420?” My voice cracked like a pre-teen as I said this, and then I chuckled awkwardly to myself. My grandmother had no idea what had happened.
– “Imagine a city where there are abandoned skyscrapers….that’s Richmond.”- my description of Richmond, VA to someone that has never been.
– So I was walking in Sorrento, Italy on a nice evening with my girlfriend after dinner. We had some wine but weren’t really drunk. It was evening, and the lights of the city were beginning to turn on. As we stroll along we both, almost simultaneously become startled by this…..in the window.
We see what appears to be a man in a KKK cloth standing in the window holding a cross. We are SHOCKED. Look at it!!! It looks just like a Klansman! Isn’t this weird?? We assume it had to do with some sort of procession for Easter…but damn. I guess there is no KKK in Italy because, well, you know.
– David Prowse was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars. He spoke all of Vader’s lines, and didn’t know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie. Awkward DAT FACT YO!!