respected from east to west

– So I was watching a show on National Geographic Channel (which I now get and am very excited about) called “Drugs, Inc”. It is basically a show documenting the process of drugs from beginning to end. I watched two episodes, heroin and meth. I think it’s safe to say I will never try either of those drugs. If, for no other reason, the mere cosmetic effects. Something happens with Meth users called, “Meth Mouth” where their mouths basically rot, dry up, turn black and start decaying. How disgusting.

get me some of that shit

– Mercedes has a new ad campaign out that claims its car will detect a problem before the driver. They have “testimonies” of Mercedes owners that say, “I was falling asleep at the wheel” or “I was looking for my cell phone” – doesn’t this seem like Mercedes owners now have an excuse to suck as drivers? “I was texting! I didnt know I had to drive too, thanks Mercedes for reversing Darwin’s theory and keeping me alive to have more babies!”

his car just payed his mortgage

– One of my roommates friends came over the other day and saw the Maryland flag hanging in my room. She asked, “What’s that?” and I said, “Oh, that’s the Maryland flag.” To which she responded, “Oh, yeah thats right, I guess every state has one of those. Why do you have it hanging up though? Do you like, love it or something?” I wanted to say, “FUCK YEAH I LOVE THAT SHIT. If you stupid ass ever looked at a map you would know there are other states outside of New York you jack – ass.” But I more reasonably said, “Haha, yeah its my flag.”

– Did you know that the “funny bone” is called that because its medical name, “humerus”, sounds a lot like “humorous”. Not because of the agonizing pain one gets when they bump into something with their elbow, because we all know there is nothing funny about that.

not funny, but true dat

– So I was sitting on the subway the other day and caught a serious whiff of shit. It was so bad I put my shirt over my nose, obviously disgusted with the smell. The funny thing is, there were only 2 other people on the train at that time. So I looked at both and tried to figure out who it was. I realized it had to be an old man, reading a newspaper, that made eye contact with me. The kind of eye contact where he was like, “yeah, it was me, get over it.” What an asshole, literally.

– Who listens to Drake? Seriously?


One thought on “respected from east to west”

  1. “She asked, “What’s that?” and I said, “Oh, that’s the Maryland flag.” – one of ten thousand reasons I couldn’t make it in NYC

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