club frills

– I spoke to a Chinese co-worker today about my need for curtains. She told me I can find some cheap options at Bed Bath and Beyond if I don’t mind spending about $50. My quick witted retort was, “FIFTY DOLLARS? I could use that money to buy drugs!” The older Chinese woman, who speaks English as a second language, thought I said something completely different and exclaimed, “You could rent a truck, but not buy one Michael!” I guess “drugs” does kind of sound like “trucks”.

my kinda truck...

– I was on the train and witnessed a man violently sneeze into the book he was reading. Apparently using his elbow or even his hand seemed like a bad idea. I like to imagine whoever he lends that book to in the future discovering the “plot twist” on page 103.

– Steve, an older man at work, set his sights on an attractive female customer today. He sees her, comes over to me and says, “That’s what you call a hefty yum-yum.” It was a sentence that made no sense at all but still managed to creep me out.

– The expression, “Don’t forget to write!” has quickly gone out of style. Do kids even learn cursive anymore? Why should they? I think the endearing expression will soon be changed to, “Don’t forget to text!”

"Dear Mom, WTF I need money. Barcelona is nice. K bye. Sincerely, :-)"

– Why do psychics pass out flyers for their business? Don’t they know I’m just gonna throw it out eventually? Better yet, why don’t they just print the exact number of flyers for the people that WILL use them? I’m full of ideas like these.

– I saw an asian woman on a, “walk of shame” today at 10:30AM. It isn’t college where you just have to “walk” across campus, its NYC where you have to walk, wait for the train, stand up on a half hour train ride, get off the train and wait for another one, ride that train for 10 minutes, then walk home.

Enjoy the song if nothing else…

– The word “barbecue” comes from the Spanish word “barbacoa”. Barbacoa, originally a Haitian name, was adopted by the Spaniards to refer to a type of scaffolding. The French, in between raping and pillaging the island nation, took this term to describe a grid or grill. Among other uses these grills were employed  to roast a huge animal outdoors. In the 19th century, Americans dusted off the word and “whitened” it up to sound like bar-bee-que. In the 21st century, barbacoa has returned to it’s roots and now means… “that shredded beef at Chipotle.” True dat word history fact son.

i bet the French used a "barbacoa" as a sex swing too

 

 

 

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