the thirty-fifth avenue blues

– Even now, as I write this, I am sitting across what appears to be a homeless man that resembles Rob Zombie/Charles Manson that has somehow come into posession of an AceR computer. He smells like little league practice. Here he is:

taped to his screen is the front page of a USA Today from February

– Ryan Dunn has passed away. I loved him. I’d cue Billy Joel’s “Only the Good Die Young,” but Dunn probably hated that song.

This Week Mike Is

– I sat across from a guy on the train last night that looked exactly liked Charlie from Lost. Same stupid haircut.

Hi, my barber uses spoons.

– While in Mexico, I wondered if our hotel housekeepers were going to be American white women. Wouldn’t that be something?

– False Awakenings: when you are asleep but dream that you wake up and go about your morning rituals. This has happened to me twice recently. I’ve woken up, had a conversation with my girlfriend, turned on the light THEN woken up. It is creepy as shit.

– I don’t think I’ve seen more of those Kenny Chesney-fake ass-cowboy hats in my life than I did in Mexico.

does not look nearly as good on a sunburned guy from daytona

– For $6.50 you could get 2 shots of Tequila and 3 bottles of Beer. That is astonishing.

– Today I am wearing camoflauge shorts in hopes that someone will obnoxiously shout, “Hey, your thighs are invisible! I can’t see them! Where did they go?” Noone has yet, but give it time.

where are your legs Jay-Z???!!!???!!??

– Much to my own surprise, I didn’t contract Montezumas Revenge. It seems the resorts purify their water these days as a precautionary measure. They don’t want Americans spray-shitting all over their 5-Star toilets.

– We ate Mexican food every, single, day. Sometimes for each meal. At breakfast I had these things called Chilaquiles: tortilla chips smothered in red sauce, cheese, chicken and eggs. It was delicious, and a substitute for an instant laxative.

mmm thats how i start my morning
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