listen, do you want to know a secret?

– So here is the full tale of my meeting Ryan Gosling:

My sister and I left a Hookah Bar on 1st ave and 11th street in NYC. I was playing a song for her on my iPod, one we had been talking about over Hookah, one I thought she’d like. We were heading across the street (jaywalking like pimps) when I see him out of the corner of my eye. It was one of those moments where I knew who it was, but couldn’t be 100% sure, ya know? At this point, he is literally 1 foot from me so I just decide to stop, dead in my tracks and face him. He and I look at each other for about 4 seconds, then I calmly extend my hand and say, “I’m a huge fan.” He was very nice and graciously said, “Thank you so much.”

Meanwhile, my sister is fiddling with my iPod and thinks I stopped to talk to a friend I randomly ran into. She looks up, it’s Ryan Gosling. Instinctively she shakes his hand and says something like, “Nice to meet you.” I can only imagine what it must be like for a girl to look into the eyes of the guy from The Notebook. Anyway, no sooner than we leave him, my sister begins to uncontrollably cry. Some might call this an overreaction, but it was understandable considering he appeared to her as if out of a dream. My sister continued to cry with excitement for about 10 more minutes, calling everyone she knew and tweeting that her life would never be the same.

The Man

– I hate using urinals while wearing flip-flops. Two inventions never meant to coincide.

now this is my burden

– Get this, so I had a dream last night where I became the President of the USA. I go over to Obama after feeling the effects of constant surveillance and judgment by everyone on the globe and say, “Man, this job aint easy.” He responds, “I know.” We hugged, and I became the President. Also, Kate Middleton was there trying to disguise herself in a mans button down shirt and glasses like Lindsay Lohan. Morale of the story: Celebrity aint easy.

– I just read on the BBC that oceanographers now say the world’s oceans are HUNDREDS of years worse than they originally predicted. Basically, a conference of all kinds of environmental professionals was assembled and their findings were compared. They all conclude that the oceans are far worse than anyone has ever thought. They say that at this rate, mass extinctions of ocean species will be brought about by human hands. Don’t believe me? Read this scary shit

– Does anyone remember the news story not too long ago when T.I. talked a man down from committing suicide? T.I. was drivin around in Atlanta and heard about the incident on the radio. He must have been like, “aww hell no” and speeds to the scene. Imagine the guy about to jump see a pimped out Chrysler roll up. In his head he must have thought, “I wanna die. I wanna die. I’m gonna jump. I’m gonna ju…who is that? Is that? T.I.?” Anyway, T.I. gets to the scene and the cops hand him the megaphone. T.I. talks the guy down! He must have been like, “Ay partna, come down and you can have whatever you like mayn.” What would have happened if the guy jumped anyway? Headlines would have read, “Rapper T.I. Taunts Local Man to Deathfall.” 

"ay, come down heyah and smoke this shit."

– Strollers these days have gotten pretty damn advanced. They have big rubber wheels with rims, some have 3 wheels, others have unique handles, some can spin the baby around at will. When I was a toddler it was a canvas tarp with four wheels you’d find on a garbage can.

– I just witnessed a man spill his full coffee on the sidewalk. In Soviet Russia, that would have gotten him killed.

– On December 17, 1963, a disc jockey at WWDC in Washington, D.C., became the first person to broadcast a Beatles record on American airwaves. James Carroll played “I Want To Hold Your Hand,” which he had obtained from his stewardess girlfriend who brought the single back from Britain. Due to listener demand, it played daily, every hour. YEAH D.C. get that shit while it’s hot dat fact son!

the DMV got this shit first g

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