face down like the jack of hearts

23 06 2011

– Broadway’s Original Name was the Wiechquaekeck Trail. It was an old Algonquin trade route. You don’t hear many young gay boys saying, “One day I’ll be on Wiechquaekeck” true off the bat dat fact.

Although Vinny doesn't look like much of an actor, his portrayal of Willy in Death of a Salesman brought me to tears.

– So I’m waiting for my girlfriend today and it was raining in NYC. I see a little plaza with tables, chairs and big patio umbrellas (all of the umbrellas are closed). I stroll over and see the umbrella and think, “Hmm, it’s raining, I want to sit down, here is a giant umbrella, I’m gonna open it.” So I did, in the middle of a bustling city street. No sooner than I sit down a security guard rushed over to me, “Hey! What are you doing? You can’t open that umbrella man.” I was like, “Why not? It’s raining, that’s what they are for.” He said, “Nah, we gotta keep them closed.”How fucking stupid. The purpose of the umbrella is to shelter you from the elements. His reason was, “They don’t like the umbrellas getting wet.” That was the Utilitarians nightmare.

"oh, no no no..these newspapers aren't meant for reading."

– So everyone can appreciate that last statement, here is the definition of Utilitarianism: the belief that the right course of action is the one that maximizes the overall “good” of the situation. For example, using an umbrella as shelter from RAIN.

– Nick Hexum retweeted me man.

-This song has been stuck in my head, now it is your turn…

– Last night I took a giant dowel rod and swung it at a 3 foot tall, multi chambered, ice catching, “water-pipe” in order to prove that my brain would stop the rod from hitting it. Anxious onlookers hated me, but with each swing I proved my theory. None of them tried it. Flash forward to my departure. My friend takes the dowel rod and out of nowhere swings it at my face. He stops inches from my nose and says, “you were right.” Touche Mike Del Mauro…touche.

– While in Mexico we watched a show on NatGeo called Canadian Pickers. You guessed it, a show just like American Pickers but set in Edmonton. It….sucked. The main guy looks like a long haired cousin to Guy Fieri. They wore weird cowboy hats, light blue jeans and studded vests. They bought things like saddles and windmill parts and the sky was constantly gray. Canada’s Must See TV.

I think the guy in the center is actually a butch Canadian lesbian

– The other day Britney Spears’ Womanizer popped in my head for absolutely no reason at all. I haven’t heard that song in forever, but it was laying dormant in my brain until BOOM I started humming it. Dear God, why?

– In Mexico I overheard a mother yelling for her infant daughter, “Brooklyn! Come here Brooklyn!” My gf and I looked at each other like, “What the fuck?” I can just see that girl when she turns 16, blastin songs about Brooklyn and wearing jerseys and shit. Basically, without knowing it, Brooklyn’s parents created a giant whore.

step one

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