e.t. chrome phone

– Why are fences the most treacherous structures in society? Just look at them. Barbed wire, razor wire, spiky tops, rusty chainlinks, glass shards, pointy rocks. Talk about a Final Destination plot device everywhere you turn.

There's gotta be some AIDS on that thing somewhere

– assap is the opposite of asap

-It must be hard for the surviving members of The Doors to live in the shadow of a dead man.

– And now, the movie Yes Man in 4 seconds:

Q: Hey, you want to kill yourself with me?

A: Yes!

(roll credits)

– And now, a true account of recent literary humor:

Q: What was the last book you read?

Me: Lord of the Flies

Q: Oh, how was it?

Me: Childish!!

– Black girls, what is with the colored contacts? You look scary.

– The names of the signers of the Declaration of Independence were withheld from the public for more than six months to protect the signers. If independence had not been achieved, the treasonable act of the signers would have, by law, resulted in their deaths. PUSSIESSSSSSS dat fact.

Thomas Jefferson had to keep his family safe

– After I shaved my beard, i went from being called, “sir” to “buddy.”

– Whatever happened to ducks getting caught in plastic soda rings? Do people worry about that?

noone on the corner got swagga like ducks

– If someone misspells “douche” like douch than are YOU a douche for correcting them?

– I’m beginning to truly hate facebook. Why? I don’t know. I just hate it now.


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