smokers paradise

– I have a gallon of milk thats been “expired” for ONE day and it has already taken on the odor of a mild cheese. It’s at that point where I could continue to drink it but would be worried that I was making a big mistake the whole time. Taste wise it’s okay, but the odor indicates that a monster is lurking somewhere in the white depths.

"Dr. Phil, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

– Every time I shampoo my hair I can’t help but think that what comes out of the bottle looks remarkably like semen. In fact, I knew a guy in high school who said he, “finished” into his friends shampoo one time. Why? He was just a dick.

– Does anyone else feel that resumes are the worst element of human life as we know it? They are all made up of lies and similar formats. In order to really stand out to an employer I think a resume should be printed on black paper with white ink, scented like cinnamon and covered in original artwork. At least they would remember that one when they throw it into the trash.

– Yesterday I went down to the Wall Street protests to see what was up. When I arrived here is what I saw: A bunch of hipster/hippies covered in dirt and grime, laying on sleeping bags, holding cardboard signs, banging drums. That is one bullshit protest. Furthermore, the entire time there were people walking around filming it and taking pictures as if it is a tourist attraction. If the protest was truly effective wouldn’t they be inspired to join in?

I couldn’t help but think that standing 80 floors above the protest there were CEO’s and rich ass mofos just laughing and smoking cigars at the tiny Pearl Jam fans below.

yes, our generation is eloquent.

– After living in New York, it is very hard NOT to refer to myself as Daddy Yankee.

– Smokers draw on ‘lite’ and menthol cigarettes harder (on average) than regular cigarettes; causing the same overall levels of tar and nicotine to be consumed. Ohhh redundant DAT FAX SONNNN!

cue Axel Rose, "You're gonnaaa diiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

– If Chris Farley was still alive he would probably have been in a Daddy Day Care movie by now. You know it’s true.

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