fake stories of real people

14 11 2011

“I’m the guy reading at Starbucks. Yeah, that’s me. I don’t have much else to do. I’m not in school and my friends are all at work. This book is really cool, though. I got a Vente chai and a Grande Ice Water. Hydrating is never an afterthought with me. What? You like this shirt? I got it at Macy’s last black friday. Jeeze, I can’t believe that was already a year ago. i hope you don’t think I’m some weirdo, but I have white socks on with black shoes. I know, I know. Not cool. I keep looking at my watch, but I know that I have no place to be. My bookmark is lame, but who cares about bookmarks right?”

 

 

“Hi, I’m the Persian businessman on the left. Two things I love are Pumpkin Spice Lattes and my Persian community here in Queens. In fact, my partner (right) and I are about to give a lecture to about 170 local Persian business owners. I thought I could make a joke from the movie 300, ya know, something the Spartans would say to the Persians in that movie. Maybe I will pretend to kick my partner down an imaginary well. Whatever I do, it’s gonna be funny as hell. They will laugh because I’m Persian too and it won’t be offensive. Know your audience, right? I just hope I don’t jumble my words on the punchline. Then I’ll kick my partner down a very real flight of stairs.”

 

“I’m the 40 year old guy that is going back to school. It’s hard for me, ya know, cause I have this infinity symbol tattooed on my neck. People always ask, “Byron, what does that mean?” I always say, “It means everything.” They don’t get it, so I end up just saying that 8 is my favorite number. I’m going back to school to be a teacher. I know, right?! Who would have thought back in highschool that, “Back of the class Byron” would EVER be a teacher. I know I gave all my teachers a hard time back then. Now I want to teach History and really get in the kids heads. I just hope there aren’t any hot chicks in my classes. I think the old Byron might have to grab some new ass. Haha, jk. But sometimes I think, “What if there IS an 18 year old in my class that wanted to fuck AND wanted to keep it a secret?” I think I’d go for it.”

 

 

“I’m Willow Smith.”

 


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