the best of all possible worlds

The following are all thoughts while trapped on a bus from NYC to DC: 

– Sometimes I don’t know why I even bother brushing my teeth in the morning. If you wake up and don’t eat breakfast, brush your teeth, then STILL don’t eat – you get the same weird taste in your mouth that you had when you woke up. C’mon toothpaste companies. This seems like an easy fix.

– I am sitting next to 2 people that look like they just got back from a vacation at Occupy Wall Street. They are a weird mix of drifter, hippie, activist and traveler.

He can afford a $14 bus ticket apparently

– There are so many times when I go through my iTunes/iPod and say, “I fucking hate all of these songs.” I then fall into a 2 minute depression, thinking about how I have no musical taste whatsoever and that I couldn’t name 5 current bands that I listen to. Then I put on some DMX and am lifted out of the swampy depths of musical lethargy.

– I would have inserted a video but my bus’ WiFi blocks YouTube. Which, when you think about it, is the only site you want to go on during a long bus ride. Right?

– VagaBONG would be a great name for a piece.

– Bus travel is a wonderful, cheap way to get around. That being said, having to sit for 4 hours as people open and close the bathroom that smells of port-a-potty and asparagus is a very mild form of torture.

the culprit

– I always thought that “hydroplane” sounded like a really awesome craft that can take you over the water very fast.

– Who determined  Interstate 95’s number? Why not 76? or 3? or 981? We settled on 95 no questions asked? Was there a vote?

"I want to to be called Cherry Lane GOD DAMMIT! YES, THE WHOLE THING, MARTIN!"

– I saw Jake Gyllenhall on the street the other day. Much to my surprise* his skin was a lot blacker than it appears in the movies.

– Sometimes I wish that I lived when there was no phones or internet or TV. I think I would fare pretty well in that world. A world where I didn’t have to email people all the time immediately after they email me, as not to appear rude of course. A place where I can’t be spoken to in a vehicle by anyone that is not in said vehicle. Ya know, a more peaceful world where letters are still very important. Maybe one day.

– I finished reading a book by Voltaire last night. Yeah, I’m smart dog.

– I often feel that I am in some movie where I become a great leader AFTER the current world has already ended. Ya know, like in zombie movies how a security guard becomes the most agile person in a pack of survivors. Like that. Like, I don’t know it yet, but when the world ends I’m a pretty important guy.

This Post-Apocalypse Mike Is

– I can’t recall the last time I went to a Red Lobster.

*Surprise is a word that I consistently misspell. I always forget the “r” before the “p”.



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