the black G

6 12 2011

– Andrew Zimmern from Bizarre Foods should be in a commercial where he sits down at Olive Garden and looks at the food and is like, “No FUCKING WAY!” Then a narrator says, “TGI Fridays! In here, it’s always edible!”

– Speaking of Zimmern, I wonder if he ever goes down on a woman, looks up at her, then chuckles to himself. She laughs too because, well, his job is like, well, you know.

"Have we met before?"

– I wish Dr. Dre pronounced his name like “Dree.”

– I have no idea where my college diploma is.

– You ever go to a restaurant, decide what you want and then close the menu. Then, when the waiter comes, you for some reason feel the need to re-open the menu to order? Why do humans do this?? You know what you want! Just say it! Next time you go out to eat, you’ll remember this shit.

– So Occupy Wall Street people are adamantly protesting the 1%. I bet all of those 1% are in some big conference room like, “Well, how about we just turn off their power, internet, cable, gas supply, cell service, clothing, airlines, checking accounts, coffee supply, water supply, and the entire entertainment industry. That’ll shut them up.”

– Before I got on the bus in DC to come back to NYC, I stopped at the Union Station Starbucks. There, I waited about 10 minutes and it wasn’t even busy. One would think that the service at a train station would be prompt, but alas it was clear none of them went to high school. That’s definitely a logical fallacy but fuck it.

"HURRY the fuck u...oh, wait. Okay, keep doin that."

–  The song “Poppin Bottles” came on random last night. Such a funny way to start a song! I would love to roll into an all-black club with this blasting. Actually, I’ve already done that.

– So, this picture was taken from the top of my double decker bus into DC. It is a mini mart with BLOODY handprints surrounding the sign. My guess, they doubled as a Halloween store or there was a very injured man desperately trying to reach the Z-Mart sign, but to no avail.

"If I could just....reach....the...Z..." (gunshot)

– Furthermore, what type of business PAINTS bloody handprints on their white walls?

– And now for todays depressing TRUE DAT FACT: Flo Rida’s, “Low” has sold 8 million copies – the same as The Beatles’, “Hey Jude”

– I bet that Dyson vacuum guy has put his penis into at least one of his machines.

"This is Marie and she loves me."

 

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