“When is this train gonna get here!? My Nordic ancestors would be mighty furious if they knew that I, Sven Kaarlson, was waiting for public transportation. Uncle Rothbert always used to say, “Sven, whenever possible you must transport yourself.” Well Uncle Rothbert, it seems I have let you down this evening. At least I have my bike with me. If only I didn’t have so much luggage! Ooof, this is heavy. When, will this train arrive!!! I’m begging to sweat from both the anxiety and this searingly hot halogen directly over my head. As uncomfortable as I am I must remain in the light and as stoic as possible to attract a fine blonde haired woman. I know there is one standing next to the pole over there. I can’t quite make out what she’s reading, hopefully a Norweigan epic poem. What are the odds right?”
Man: Oh, look honey! A dog! Wow, what a cute dog! Ya know, back in Tulsa my cousin Charlie has a dog that looks just like that. Well, he had brown hair, but basically it was the same dog. Wow, what a breed. What. A. Breed. Honey, take a picture of that for me would ya? I’d love to send it to Charlie. He’d sure get a kick out of that.
Woman: I’m FUCKING TRYING TO GET IT, DEREK! Jesus, I got it okay? I’m getting it!
Man: Woah, honey. I’m just asking you to…
Woman: No, no, its pretty clear what you are doing.
Man: That dog looks just like Char…
Woman: Enough about the dog, Derek! This is OUR vacation to New York. I am sick of hearing how everything reminds you of Charlie! I’m your wife god dammit! Let’s just share a single fucking moment together! It’s Charlie thissss and Charlie that! Just give it a rest already, would ya?
Man: But……..that dog…
Woman: Jesus CHRIST, I’m going to Starbucks. Put the camera back in your purse.
“HELP ME!!!!!! SOMEONE! ANYONE!!! YOU! YOU, OVER THERE! STOP TAKING PICTURES AND HELP ME! IM FREEZING!! DON’T LET MY OUTWARD SERENITY FOOL YOU, I AM BEING BEATEN REGULARLY. I’M CLEARLY CHAINED TO THIS MAILBOX. YOU, OLD MAN WITH A WEDGIE NEAR THE BUS! HELP ME! WHO WILL SHOW MERCY??”