you’re not the same

– I’ll be in Florida this time tomorrow for the holidays. I’m going to try my hardest not to be, “that guy” that gets off the plane, walks outside and is like, “Oh my god it’s so hot here! I can’t believe it!” You know those people? The people that are suprised by the notion that Florida is warm when it’s cold everywhere else? You get it.

– Fort Lauderdale is known as the “Venice of America” because the city has 185 miles of local waterways. True Dat Fact.

"Yep, we're just like an ancient city built on pylons that is unlike any other place on the planet....except Ft. Lauderdale, Florida."

– Babyface Nelson, the bank robber, hated his nickname. I can see him getting ribbed by some other bank robber friends and beginning friendly but ending mean like, “HA HA guys, I get it, very funny. Alright. Okay. Shut the fuck up, okay? That’s enough. Enough already.”

– J.G. Wentworth is probably in some serious debt.

"It's your money, and I kinda need to use some of it now."

– Santa Claus sounds like he could be a very high up Nazi. One that even other Nazi’s feared. He would walk past and they would whisper, “Zat’s de Santa Claus.”

Merry Christmas with my favorite XMas Song:

– Personally, I wish there was more use of the term Kris Kringle. Thats a sick name. Old St. Nick is cool too, but Kris Kringle sounds like a rapper or something.

– So the war has officially ended in Iraq. What will Toby Keith do now? I bet a few songs about, “Boys coming home” and shit.

"They unpacked their bags and kissed their wife hello, THEN THEY DRANK A BUD AND SAT ON THE PORCH WITH THE AMERICAN FLAG."

– A crazy woman today looked at me, looked down at her new Converse, looked back at me and said, “20 bucks.” To which I replied, “……awesome.”

– The woman that lives in the apartment above my girlfriends wears high heels ALL the time. 8am, 6pm, 3am. One time, we heard her having sex with someone…than minutes later high heels. I wouldn’t be surprised if she made the guy wear them or something.

– I remember in school when we did projects on business we always used cereal boxes. All Kellogg cereals, we found, were made in Battle Creek, Michigan. Remember that? I always thought that was such a violent name for being the birthplace of my favorite cereal. I imagine cereal to be made somewhere more like Fluffy Kingdom, Wyoming or Sugar City, New Mexico. Battle Creek just seems vulgar.




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