ideas from the blue lagoon

16 01 2012

Witch Hunt: A great reality show, probably on History Channel, where redneck witches go out hunting for deer.

"I need to crush up that Bucks bones to thicken my famous chili yall."

-My sisters apartment is on Lois Lane. The boss of the corny urban developer that pitched that idea was like, “Okay Martha, I’ll humor you this time, but if you pitch Broken Dreams Boulevard again, it’s gonna mean your job.”

TimesNewRoman would totally have been my screen name if I was a teenager in Italy.

– I always hear people say that they would, “do really well in a Zombie invasion.” But those same people would freak out if even ONE homeless man approached them today.

– How did Hitler settle on the outstretched right arm as his “heil Hitler” salute? Talk about an intense meme. There were definitely other ideas rejected from that board meeting.

"It's down to this and the arm thing, Hitler, you gotta be the tiebreaker here, man...which one you wanna move forward with?

– I bet there has been some bullshit “green” advertising campaign where some company tried to, “Support Our Troops…in recycling!”

– When did shaved heads become a standard practice in the US Military? I envision WWII guys to have Anderson Cooper type comb overs, smoking cigarettes and dealing with the enemy in a classy way. What happened? Now every dude has a buzz cut to the max!

"Shall we have a spot of tea before we invade Berlin?"

– I often find myself shouting, “I’VE GOT TO GET YOU INTO MY LIFE!” like Paul McCartney at least twice a week.

-Is it vain to love your own handwriting? Speaking of which, how many of you have been sitting with a group of people and exchanged signatures? “Oh, yours is good, this is mine.”  Inevitably someone will make the joke, “What are you, practicing your autograph?”

– The vacant apartment below me has a smoke detector with a dying battery. It beeps loudly every 2 minutes. I am slowly…..slowly going insane.

– Why aren’t the Pennsylvania Dutch nearly as cool as real Dutch people?

"Get off these bails of marijuana son, we have work to do. Fetch me my vaporizer."

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One response

17 01 2012
Kelly

You should definitely break into your downstairs neighbors apartment and replace the battery. Make sure you leave the door open and make it look like you turned the whole apartment upside down looking for something. They’ll spend the rest of their life wondering what happened but they’ll never realize you replaced the battery…. Or you could just leave a 9 volt battery in their mail box and hope they get the hint … I like the breaking and entering mystery better.

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