blah blah blah some shit about james bond

– “Triton submarines, a Florida-based submersible company, intends to build a sub with a giant glass sphere at its centerpiece to take tourists down to the deepest ocean for $250,000 a ticket.” Really Triton? $250,000 to take people into pitch black water? Furthermore, what customer base has SO much money that they can afford a pleasure cruise in a submarine?

I think $250,000 could fix Haiti

I can see the conversation at the millionaires dinner table, “Oh, honey don’t forget this Saturday were going for a ride in a submersible to the bottom of the sea. I reminded you last week at Bobby’s soccer game? You don’t remember? Jesus Barbara.”

So totally worth it! Yeah!

If someone surprised me with this as I gift I would be like, “Really? Oh. Okay, cool. Yeah, okay. Um? Wait, like the bottom of the ocean?”

I’m willing to bet that if someone lived at the bottom of the ocean their whole life, their skin would be basically transparent. Think about it. Ew. But, then again, that would be cool as shit. If he ever came on land he would straight up creep everyone out. Surely, he would have very few social skills having lived alone at the bottom of the sea his whole life – but also his skin.

– I saw an Indian man that looked just like Freddie Mercury.

– Oh, James Bond, you’re just so FUCKING charming aren’t you.

– How can James Bond just have sex with someone else’s wife and not feel guilty? Sure, he has a license to kill but rampant adultery should not be permissible.

That fan cost the hotel about $190, who is going to replace that?

– Burger King finally is hopping on the bandwagon and offering their version of the “Snack Wrap”. They are advertising them as, “New!” The HELL they are Burger King…the hell they are.

plagiarists!

– In spy school, I would assume one of the first things they teach you is that you cannot trust anyone. During the final exam, the professor would take off his jacket and reveal the enemies logo and say to everyone, “you all fail.”At which time, the students would also do the same and say, “no professor, we’ve passed.”

– Someone please kill me if I ever go into a Denny’s and say, “Gimmie the usual.”

– Martin Luther would have made a great spokesman for a hammer/nails.

"Get their attention this holiday season by nailing something to their fucking door."
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