– Real ad slogan of the day: “Find God’s match for you at ChristianMingle.com.” Wow, what a ballsy claim. Kind of a slippery slope in advertising don’t you think? Soon it will be, “Come into Applebee’s for 2-for-1 Sunday , take a load off, thats what God did.” or “Jesus would support Tom’s shoes if he could.”
– Some mofo had the gall to tell me to, “pay attention” on my bike as I was riding away from him. Without any fear I yelled, “QUIT FUCKING RIDING BEHIND ME!” I then rode into the shadows, alone and on top.
– Does anyone else really love putting friends as references on an application? It’s like playing the lottery with slightly better *odds (*odds vary based on friends)
– Sometimes, I like to sit on the campus of the Fashion Institute of Technology (FIT) in my ordinary clothes hoping that some student in search of inspiration passes me and exclaims, “OH MY GOD THAT’S IT!”
– Jim Henson must have really enjoyed foreplay.
– Your train of thought when leaving an interview, unsure of the impression you made, is kind of like being really confused after an intellectual movie. “What…just happened? I can’t tell if that was any good. That one girl in there was hot but that guy just creeped me out.”
– I recently caught some shit from my girlfriend because I use “Caps Lock” to capitalize every letter instead of using the “Shift” key. WHATEVER. I got my methods, yall got yours.
– Speaking of which, Caps Lock would make a great name for a Hat Company and/or a Locksmith
– It must be especially difficult for inmates on days when, “It’s too nice to be inside.”
– If Meme’s are things that everyone does, Than Youyous are things that no one does.
– Something is happening to me recently, a cab cut me off today in traffic almost causing me to wreck – I swear, my hand started rising slowly and before I knew it I was giving a powerful middle finger. I was probably more shocked than the taxi driver. I felt possessed, but hey, don’t hate the player hate the game am I right?
– Why is it so hard to see computer screens in the sunlight? It’s almost as if they are subliminally saying, “Go back inside, plug me back in, do nothing but hang with me in a dark room. Close the door. Just you and me. Screw the outside world, I know everything anyway.”