that’s bolshevik!

johnson-pandoras_box_mmv_oil_painting

“I’ve released all artists similar to Incubus NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

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Red, White and Boo would make a great name for a patriotic BET reality series.

“I’m about to slap that Canadian bitch if she calls him one more god damned time.”

– If Lil’ Jon wrote a song for Harry Potter, it would be called “Snape Yo Fingaz”.

– Someday, when I feel like being the MAN, I’m going to bring a power strip to Starbucks.

– September weather is pleasant indeed, but when seasons change there is always a clear disparity between how different people perceive the weather. Some take the cool breezes and chilly nights to put on sweaters and buy pumpkin spice lattes. Others, like me, rock it hard with flip flops and t shirts for as long as humanly possible. I do this because when everyone is bitching in October about how cold it is, I will reflect on my extra few days back in September when I was slightly chilled but sucked it up.

– Speaking further to this point, I have seen at least 20 scarves so far in the streets of New York. Scarves!? Really!? People like this won’t survive the Mayan end date that is quickly approaching. Glad to see you enjoyed your LAST summer by wearing a scarf. Idiot.

“Is anyone else drafty? I just checked my phone, it is 76 degrees. Ew. I’m freezingggahhhh.”

– Just attempt to sing along with the lyrics:

– My neighborhood in Queens is largely comprised of immigrant families. For about 2 years now I have walked the same streets and seen the same gaggle of Bengali men drinking hot coffee in the July heat. So imagine my surprise when, the other day, I saw about 9 white teens hanging on a stoop. Not just any white teens, v-neck and Sperry wearin’, Beiber haircut havin’, MTV watchin’ white kids. I instinctively felt hatred and loathing and realized that must be how everyone else views white people everywhere on Earth.

“I feel I deserve everything but have no concept of what it means to earn anything.”

– It’s a sad thought to think that trash I threw away when I was 3 years old is still in a landfill somewhere and hasn’t decomposed in the slightest.

– When living in a city, one has to become comfortable with the fact that you may hear a random scream coming from outside every now and again.

– You know how when you send an email and you forget to attach something, then have to send another email right after where it is included? Doesn’t that make you feel like such a jackass? I’m sure some people are so preoccupied with apologizing that they forget to attach it in the second email as well, making a third one that much more unbearable.

– Former president Bill Clinton only sent 2 emails in his entire 8 year presidency. True DAT-TACH Fax 

“No, Mr President! It’s WhiteHouse.GOV not WhiteHouse,COM!”

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