masters of technology

– Q: What do you call a sex crime committed by a window curtain? A: Drape

Q: What do you call a sex crime committed by a fruit? A:Grape

– TV’s must get paranoid often because no matter what room they find themselves in, they’re always being watched.

– Cigarette Smokers a.k.a Neighborhood Watch

“Oh, I got my eye on YOU, bitch.”

– If we could say that Hurricane Sandy had some shred of silver lining, it would be that it  has given me a newfound appreciation for candles.

I gave those flowers to my candle.

– Ya know what sucks? That period of about 5 minutes when your hot coffee goes from hot to warm to disgustingly cold. It’s an excellent example of immediate nostalgia. Nostalgia for the way things used to be.

– Oftentimes when drinking cold coffee that used to be hot, I attempt to trick myself into thinking that I’m drinking iced coffee. It never works.

– If only it wasn’t already copyrighted, The X-Files would be a great name for episodic porn.

Abduct me harder!

– 

– I saw a very tall woman in the stairwell the other day and I got the strong urge to say, “That’s a HUGE bitch!” …but I suppressed it.

– Overheard in New York (large black woman on the phone): “…this dude is a pedophile AND he’s the CFO…”

“Cancel my 12 o’clock Martha…I have to swing by the daycare for a little…PR”

– Quote of the week: “It’s an amazing task to battle with success – I never gave a fuck before, now I give a fuck less.” – Eminem  –Open Mic

– Has anyone ever noticed that the Walgreens “W” and the Washington Nationals “W” look oddly alike?

I guess it’s not a coincidence that both places are full of people on welfare looking for drugs
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