– Spitting in the rain is not nearly as dramatic as it normally is.
– How stupid is it that you have to be 21 to access an alcohol’s website? As if getting carded isn’t humiliating enough. Last time I checked, there was no age restriction on INFORMATION!
– Someone at work called me out for Alan Jackson being too loud on my headphones. Once it was brought to my attention, 3 different people stepped forward and said they can hear my music all the time. I guess they enjoyed it today when I was blasting this gem:
– Whenever I find myself drinking bad coffee I think to myself, “What kind of coffee were the Allies drinking on the front lines of Nazi Germany in the wintertime?” If this doesn’t cheer me up, I don’t know what will.
– Conversely, whenever I find myself drinking good coffee I pretend like I am a Nazi on the front lines of France thinking, “mm, zis IS good coffee.”
– If I owned a Diner, I would make a breakfast item called “Hashtags” – simply put, they would be hashbrowns in the shape of a hashtag. It would be HUGE with hungry people of a younger, hip demographic.
– When Mexican people text other Mexican people, it should be called “Mexting”. Or, when anyone sends a text while IN Mexico.
– While at the Patriots game in MA this week, I stumbled into Toby Keith’s restaurant. That should sum up the general experience. Basically think of a Hooters and a really upper-class trailer park mixed together. First of all, how is this real? Second of all, why did they title the restaurant “Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar and Grill”? Having a statement as the name of your establishment hardly makes any sense.
– I basically already know that my teenage daughter is going to be hot, and that scares me.
– WHEN I do have a hot daughter, I am going to make a false identity just so I can track her shit online. Like take the picture of some real hot teenage guy and make a fake profile and just send her friend requests on every network interface. That way, she wont block me and I get the inside scoop to tell my hot-ass wife over hashtags in the morning.
– Recent evidence suggests that domestication of the chicken began in Vietnam over 10,000 years ago. True dat Asia Fact my Ninjahs.
– I was on a train this morning with an old woman that coughed more times than I have ever hear someone cough in my life. They weren’t just little coughs either, they were full blown, verge of puking, wet coughs. Awful. I put my hoodie up just to dull the sound a little but I couldn’t escape it. Yeah, I’m serious.