“do i frighten you? …do you want me to?”

12 12 2012

– Spitting in the rain is not nearly as dramatic as it normally is.

– How stupid is it that you have to be 21 to access an alcohol’s website? As if getting carded isn’t humiliating enough. Last time I checked, there was no age restriction on INFORMATION!

– Someone at work called me out for Alan Jackson being too loud on my headphones. Once it was brought to my attention, 3 different people stepped forward and said they can hear my music all the time. I guess they enjoyed it today when I was blasting this gem:

– Whenever I find myself drinking bad coffee I think to myself, “What kind of coffee were the Allies drinking on the front lines of Nazi Germany in the wintertime?” If this doesn’t cheer me up, I don’t know what will.

“haha, ohhhhh I’m so done with this shit.”

– Conversely, whenever I find myself drinking good coffee I pretend like I am a Nazi on the front lines of France thinking, “mm, zis IS good coffee.”

– If I owned a Diner, I would make a breakfast item called “Hashtags”  – simply put, they would be hashbrowns in the shape of a hashtag. It would be HUGE with hungry people of a younger, hip demographic.

– When Mexican people text other Mexican people, it should be called “Mexting”. Or, when anyone sends a text while IN Mexico.

After a week in Cabo, Tyler is about to ask the flight attendant if he can send out one last Mext before takeoff.

– While at the Patriots game in MA this week, I stumbled into Toby Keith’s restaurant. That should sum up the general experience. Basically think of a Hooters and a really upper-class trailer park mixed together. First of all, how is this real? Second of all, why did they title the restaurant “Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar and Grill”? Having a statement as the name of your establishment hardly makes any sense.

"Whiskey for my men, Beer for my slutty Massachusetts teenage girls."

“Whiskey for my men, Beer for my slutty Massachusetts teenage girls.”

– I basically already know that my teenage daughter is going to be hot, and that scares me.

– WHEN I do have a hot daughter, I am going to make a false identity just so I can track her shit online. Like take the picture of some real hot teenage guy and make a fake profile and just send her friend requests on every network interface. That way, she wont block me and I get the inside scoop to tell my hot-ass wife over hashtags in the morning.

– Recent evidence suggests that domestication of the chicken began in  Vietnam over 10,000 years ago. True dat Asia Fact my Ninjahs.

Ranch dresssssing!!!

– I was on a train this morning with an old woman that coughed more times than I have ever hear someone cough in my life. They weren’t just little coughs either, they were full blown, verge of puking, wet coughs. Awful. I put my hoodie up just to dull the sound a little but I couldn’t escape it. Yeah, I’m serious.

 

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