– Ever want a free glass of milk? Go into any Starbucks and help yourself.
– Here is a photo I took on the train that sums up the sad reality that is antisocial human life.
– I wish that a seafood company would dub over Brad Pitt’s famous line from Inglorious Basterds to say, “And I WANT my Scallops!”
– I was doing my laundry the other day and dropped a sock on the floor by accident. I noticed that a large black woman behind me went to pick it up. As I turned around to thank her and make the hand off, she put it in her own hamper and didn’t even look in my direction.
– When watching TV I like to mute the sound when advertisements come on. That way, they can only bombard me with their bullshit visually, but at least I wont have to hear some insipid sales pitch while watered down dubstep plays in the background of a Nissan commercial. Has anyone else noticed that recent trend? Dubstep music in commercials for cars, computers, soda? HOW HIP! Man, those ad executives really know how to stay in the thick of things.
– How many, if any, Koreans are named Kimberly “Kim” Kim?
– Websites that automatically play music when you open them should die and go straight to hell. A.) You’re tacky. B.) I don’t have headphones in and wasn’t prepared for the sneak attack of ringback quality Beethoven C.) I can never locate the little speaker symbol that you, for some reason, made the same shade of purple as your bullshit homepage.
– Whoever Kanye wrote 808’s and Heartbreaks about must be pretty pissed off about the recent fetus developing inside Kim Kardashian.
– If Ebenezer Scrooge lived in our modern times, he would definitely take scissors to Christmas lights all over town.
– I always hate it when customers at restaurants ask the hostess or waiter if they can plug in their phone for them. It’s like, if you carry your charger around with you all the time…how did you let it die?? I feel, in that instance, those people should be punished and forced to eat their dinner without the use of their cell phone. God forbid, I know.
– The first variations of Russian vodka were meant for medicinal purposes. It is also reported that Polish vodka was scented and used as aftershave. True Dat Polish Hygiene Fact B.