let me hypnotize you with my tounge kissin’

– At the point in a concert when everyone pulls out their lighters, I always imagine a Fire Marshal standing in the back biting his nails, sweating profusely and repeatedly running his hands through his hair.

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god. No, no double encore…no…omg no.”

– Foursquare: something the Nazi’s would have loved.

– Trains must not have a complex level of thinking, it’s pretty clear they have a one track mind. #pun

– I went to doodle as a distraction at work but my doodle quickly took the form of the Devil. If I’m not mistaken, that happens in the rising action of every horror movie ever.

what's happening to me!!
i might not be the devil but my art skills look like HELL! Am I right?

– The “Star Spangled Banner” is actually supposed to be sung in the Key of Francis Scott.

– To me, laissez-faire always sounded like a carnival of lazy people.

concessions line at the Laissez State-Faire – complete with a lazy nurse, an apathetic soldier and a fat white woman

 – Whenever I see a sleeping person on the subway, I am flooded with emotions. Pity, confusion, embarrassment (for them) and most importantly, schadenfreude.

Here is the definition of schadenfreude: enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others.

I experience schadenfreude because I secretly hope this sleeping person misses their train stop, wakes up, visibly panics and slowly reflects on how pathetic their situation is and how they brought it all upon themselves. (No offense to Amrou Kotb who slept on the train nightly)

You know damn well ya’ll would schadenfreud’n this bitch if you were me today.

– I imagine that the South by Southwest festival in Texas must be filled with many cheesy advertisements for Southwest Airlines. “Got Southwest on the brain?…So do we!” or “Take Southwest when you head back Northeast.” or, my favorite, “South by Southwest….Airlines.”

– Today, at a convenience store, I witnessed a man open the glass soda door, pick out a Ginger Ale and then leave the glass door ajar. I was taken aback. Like, really dog?

– I was speaking with some friends recently about how DC and Seattle are two of America’s “up and coming” cities. Food, culture, music, nightlife, etc. We then got to talking about how, when we are much older, the “up and coming” cities will seem completely arbitrary and random.

I imagine my grandson saying something like, “Yeah Grandpa, I can’t wait to graduate college and move to Jacksonville.”

I’ll say, “Jacksonville??…Florida? Why would you move there?”

He will roll his eyes and reply, “Oh, well I guess you wouldn’t kn…Jacksonville is an up and coming city. Some really great chefs and bars and five outer neighborhoods – most people call them the Jackson 5 – are really the trendiest places to be right now on the East Coast.”

“You don’t get it grandpa, Jacksonville is like, THE place to be.”

2 thoughts on “let me hypnotize you with my tounge kissin’”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s