i like pleasure spiked with pain

– “Oh, my Gods!” – What Ancient Greeks would say.

“Gods Dammit” or “Mom, why can’t you just leave me alone…. GODS!”

The Fast and Furious 6 is coming out soon but did you know that the rejected title for the movie was Fast and Furious: Paul Walker Needs Work? IMDB it.

– I wonder how much additional revenue crowded bars and restaurants around the country made during the 35-minute Super Bowl blackout. Bar owners must have been like, “Oh, HELL YEAH!”

“Yesss, keep ordering Bud Lights. Yessssss. More, you know you want more! Get another order of .25cent wings! What the hell, you know you want them.”

– Business Idea: A Lord of the Rings themed frozen yogurt place called Frodo’s Fro-yo.

“I’ll take some Keebler… ELF…cookies.” (i know nothing about Lord of the Rings)

– Things I wish I didn’t have to say on a daily basis via work email:

Looking forward to hearing back from you soon.

Excited to move forward with you and your company.

Let me know if I can provide you with any additional materials.

Hopefully we can connect sometime soon.

– Tobacco companies should capitalize on how people pack “dip” by creating a new tobacco product called “chips”. Advertising taglines like, “It’s not a tailgate…without chips and dip!”

Maybe, tobacco companies could make their dip even more potent and call it, “Double Dip.” A banner ad would read, “The one time it’s okay to double dip” and feature a man dipping a half-eaten tortilla chip into a bowl of tobacco.

Perhaps the ad for Double Dip is actually a man at an ice cream counter, but instead of ice cream being scooped onto a cone, it’s chewing tobacco. The customer is holding up two fingers signaling to the ice cream man that he does, indeed, want a double dip.

molten tobacco, perfect for large or small get-togethers.

– Before it became the most widely used tool of the day, I imagine Eli Whitney going to a plantation and knocking on the door  as a “cold call” for his infamous Cotton Gin like,

“Hi, maim. My name is Eli and if I could just have a minute of your time, I’d like to tell you about my new cotton yielding tool.”

The plantation owner, hating salespeople, would be trying to hurry and shoo him away like, “oh, nope, thanks though – we’ve already got a whole bunch of slaves for that I’m sorry.”

Eli would go on to say, “ha wow, you just said the magic word because that’s precisely the people that will use it?”

Interested, the slave owner says, “….go on”

“Actually maim, it’ll make your slaves work harder.”                                                                                     “….you don’t say. Would you like some sweet tea, Mr….?”                                                                          “Whitney, Eli Whitney.”

– My doctor did a blood test and discovered I have a less than average levels of Vitamin D. That’s probably because I don’t drink milk and don’t venture out much into the gorgeous, radiant February sun all that often.

This week Mike is….apparently.

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