“i swing it like a bat but these balls are not wiffle.”

– I have recently decided that I hate eating in front of other people. You all know what I mean. People stare at delicious smelling food as if they were vampires ready to bite some unsuspecting virgin’s neck.

“Is that…..a chicken-broccoli pizza?”

– Recently I went to an “Underwear Run” party at a bar in NYC. 500 people ran for charity then boozed up in their underwear. For some reason no one at my office came with me. I’m like, “Seriously guys??? 250 women…in their underwear…drinking….” I guess hard nipples aren’t attractive to everyone.

work sucks.

– Sometimes I wonder if the voiceover of Outback Steakhouse commercials is in any way derogatory to Australian people. I bet you most Australians haven’t even set foot in the actual Outback much like most Americans have never been to Brooklyn or Hollywood.

Please take a second and check out my friend Shov’s awesome new track. Really experimental and smooth. You’ll like it:

-Howdy Audi: The car dealership of Cowboy’s everywhere.

“I think this one should be large enough to hold just about nothing I own.”

– Judy’s: New term for Jewish girls that are also cuties….Judy’s

– Recently, while sitting on the banks of the Monocacy River, I was enjoying the sun setting on a not too chilly afternoon. After a few minutes of positive reflection I come to realize the ground I am sitting on is INFESTED with what appear to be flying ants. Keep in mind, I was sitting on this soil and soon began to feel incredibly uncomfortable. These bugs were up my coat, in my shoes, on my coffee cup, on my dog…fucking everywhere. It was like a living nightmare situation. It went from being incredibly beautiful and serene to a living hell on Earth.

– I met an older woman on a meeting that asked me, “So, I know that you have to go to GoDaddy.com to create a website, is there a similar site for creating a hashtag??” I sat there, stone faced and said, “……………..n……no.”

“Did this send to my Instagram automatically?”

– Sometimes, I wish I was half as cool as Kurt Russell is.

– When I went home, for some reason, my Dad decided to buy buffalo chicken strips AND buffalo chicken pizza. Who the hell would want that and/or find that a well balanced meal??

“Dad, NOOOOOOOOOO!”

– On the train to work today I could hear some dude listening to just about every Sean Paul song ever created. His ear buds were so loud that “Temperature” is now stuck in my head.

– Have you ever seen someone and thought to yourself, “that person is disgusting”? I have.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on ““i swing it like a bat but these balls are not wiffle.””

  1. Want to copy posts from other websites rewrite them
    in seconds and post on your page, or use for contextual backlinks?
    You can save a lot of writing work, just type in gogle:

    Daradess’s Rewriter

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s