missing link on the brink of destruction

– My urge to write a novel after reading an exceptionally good book is analogous to someone exiting a thrilling roller coaster and saying, “ya know, I think I really want to design roller coasters.”

“(long, dejected exhale)…I know nothing about structural engineering or the complex principles of gravitational velocity.”

– I’m not a skillet but, if I was, I’d move to JaPAN.

– You only “YOLO” once.

– Archery shops everywhere should get a FatHead poster of Daryl from The Walking Dead as a promotional tool. Shit, I’d at least come in and look around.

This Week Only!! 2 arrows for the price of 1!! All stocked up on Quivers for the Spring??? 

– I hate that people celebrate St. Patrick’s day weeks in advance. When you call people out they are like, “No, you don’t understand. Philly ALWAYS does it 3 weeks before” or, “Hoboken has a tradition of doing it a month in advance.” Just stop. Wait like everyone else. Drink all you want, just not under false pretenses. Furthermore, if St. Patrick were around he would be like, “Ummmmmmmmmm.”

– UPS drivers must go slightly insane due to the fact that they wear brown uniforms every day, all day, the entire year. I bet when they go out on the weekends they wear some colorful shit.

“Janet really doesn’t bring her work home with her.”

– Speaking of Archery shops, if I owned one I would certainly have a little rack with Robin Hood hats. I can guarantee you that I would be able to sell them.

– I hate it when I stretch my arms over my head and then feel extremely light headed. Why does something I enjoy so much cause me so much discomfort? Why god!?? WHYYYY?

– Visual Aids : the kind of aids you should always give to people.

“Hi, my name is Robert and I have visual aids… on powerpoint.”

– Much like how men grow their mustaches out in November, I wish there was a month where guys grew out their soul patch. Maybe Soulpatch September or something? That would get gross, fast.


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