paris before the war

– If you don’t know what it is, the Highline is an old elevated train track that has been converted into a public park covered in gardens and plants and cool shit like that. Well, one time we were walking and I saw a nice flower that I proceeded to pluck and place in my girlfriends hair.

About five minutes goes by when, out of the blue, a dude in a Highline T-Shirt comes up to us. “EXCUSE me but, did you just take that flower from back there?” Startled, I said, “…yes? Is something wro…” The park ranger then TOOK the flower from behind her ear and said, “You can’t do that” and walked away.

We were both astonished. Who knew!? There was no signage and, had we known the flower Nazi’s were on patrol, we might have refrained. My question, what is he going to do with that already cut flower? Perhaps he will place it back in the bush and pretend it’s still alive or in a flower graveyard of sorts. Moral of the story: fuck that guy.

how I felt

– If you are getting off an elevator and are so consumed by your phone that you walk into the people waiting to get in…die.

– I’ve had the thought recently that, when I see people on the street blindly texting and walking, that I would love to throw a shoulder into them and say something like, “Watch it!” Also, I might want to go on a serial attack of slapping peoples phones from their hands onto the street and, just before I run away, say my trademark tagline, “You are now free!”

– V-Necks: not good for putting your nose in when your surroundings smell like shit.

– “Has anyone ever told you that you look JUST like Lance Bass?!” – Starbucks Cashier this morning.

I was speechless. At first I refuted and tried to convince her that she must have been mistaken. She wasn’t backing down. As I waited for my drink, I began to reflect whilst looking at photos of Lance Bass and, I hate to say it, I can kind of see what she is talking about.


– Ya know, eating outside seating at restaurants is rude to the less fortunate. I kind of wanna dress up like a Charles Dickens character and cup my hands at a couple as they eat their Eggs Benedict.

– I want to make an adhesive for firearms called Stick to Your Guns.

“Tired of clumsy weapons that slip? Frustrated by a gat that simply won’t stay put? Angry that your soul-reaper always seems to evade your grip? Well, not anymore thanks to Stick to Your Guns!

True Dat Fact: One out of every eight letters you read is the letter ‘e’. Booooooem!

– I want to go to the Ukrainian region of Crimea, find a river, and sing JT’s Cry Me A River

Maybe I’ll find a Crimea Babbling Brook, a Crimea Stream, and a Crimea Waterfall

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