i’m allowed a few small rebellions

– Free Wi-Fi at a place without access to wall outlets brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, “For a Limited Time Only.”

– If I ever wanted to open a cigar bar for vain people, I would call it Smoke N’ Mirrors.

– “Objectify!”: the curse Harry Potter uses when he feels like demeaning women.

– Subway’s slogan is “Eat Fresh!” yet their new Frito’s Chicken Enchilada Melt, a flatbread packed with cheese, enchilada sauce and fried corn chips, is kind of the opposite of that.

“April is bring your own Ramen month. We’ve got the hot water! Eat Fresh!”

– I hate it when people ask me how my weekend was on a Tuesday. In my mind, that was long ago and you should switch to another banal formality.

True Dat Fact: Nas wrote Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It.

– I enjoy how journalists can write relatively misleading headlines by simply putting a word or phrase in single-quotes. For example, a headline that says, “Snipers in the Ukraine ‘shot’ protesters,” might mean they shot at or towards but didn’t actually shoot anyone.  News writers must have a lot of fun with this. “Michele Obama ‘spat on the ground’ at the Kentucky Derby” or ,”South Africa ‘hates’ women’s rights” or, “Chevrolet boss ‘flipped off’ competitor in Miami.”

“Chevy CEO flipped off the hood of a Honda this morning at a convention in Florida celebrating the first quarter’s record profit margin.”

– If the Baltimore Orioles Marketing and Merchandising departments haven’t figured out a way to capitalize on the phrase, “Orange is the New Black” then they might as well work for a team that starts off really great and gets everyone’s hopes up then drops them abruptly into a deep orange is the new Black Abyss.

realllllllly clever Orioles mktg team…truly progressive.

– McDonald’s and other fast food places scare me because I desire their products so much but am always shocked that such incompetent people are, “cooking” it for me.

– Word of the day: Cadged. It means to persuade someone to give you something with zero intention of returning the favor.

– If old people and thugs have one thing in common it’s that they be buryin’ dey friends at a rapid rate.

“Pourin’ out a little liquor today for our friend Barry who poured out many a bottle during the prohibition.”

– I Google Mapped “Hell” and it zeroed in on my location. Weird.

– People say that there is no originality in Hollywood, and I would have to agree with them. For example, how many times have Spiderman/Batman/Superman/TMNT/Twilight Zone been remade and repackaged? Hell, if you are going to remake something that has already been made, why not remake something that has only been produced ONCE before? If you’re gonna be un-original, throw us a Captain Planet movie. Give us an Are You Afraid of the Dark reboot. And please, make a real-life Arthur HBO mini-series.

I say this now but soon it will be, “Captain Planet 6: Dark of the Moon”

– Don’t ask me how I got there but I found myself listening to Blurry by Puddle of Mudd on YouTube during an early 2000’s nostalgia procrastination session. It was thereupon that I discovered this outlandishly confident statement:

Screen shot 2014-04-08 at 2.02.46 PM
i laugh out loud every time i read this. he’s so confident!



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