skibbits on the frib-a-dibs

– I wonder if doctor’s ever awkwardly comment on people’s tattoos when they give physicals?

{inspecting nude inner thigh} “Oh my, that’s a nice tattoo you have there. Are those the teenaged mutant ninja turtles but as modern day hipsters?? Ha! Is Michelangelo drinking a Starbucks? That’s tooooo funny. {chuckles} I remember those guys, Raphael was a real ball-buster. Hey, listen, speaking of balls…what’s this bump ya got on here? Any aching or shooting pains?”

“I almost got a tattoo of a sliced avocado on my right arm. Didn’t have the confidence to go through with it. I have an obsession with guac, like, an OBSESSION.”

– One cool thing about Vampire lore is that they can only venture out at night. I always thought this was a relatively limiting and unfortunate fact about their existence but, now that I think about it, it’s not so bad. They can go to restaurants and bars, nightclubs, baseball games, see the fireworks on Fourth of July, work the night-shift and make some money. Actually, being a Vampire is pretty much like my regular life now that I think of it. They could, theoretically, work remotely from their coffin.

-Ya know how there are old family photos and portraits around the characters homes in movies and TV shows? I always think that, that day on set, must have been a fun one. Like, Matt Damon and Jennifer Lawrence put on white tank tops and jeans and went to the dunes for a photo shoot? That’s funny to me. “Okay, Matt. You lay down and Jennifer just uhhhhh…hold him like you’ve been married for 4 years. Look happy because this is going to be an important point of juxtaposition later in the film.”

“Okay, Bruce Willis…this is your family that tragically died in a plane crash. Look really, really happy and peaceful.”

–  While standing at a urinal next to someone I, for some reason, always get the urge to just turn my aim and piss on their feet. Mainly out of curiosity to see what they would do.

-New excuse if I’m ever late to work: “Oh, sorry, I got stopped by Humans of New York on my way in. Yeah, he asked me some questions about what, ‘scares me most’…he’ll post it soon. Anyway, what happened on that conference call?”

-Everyone that works at Apple has Steve Jobsecurity. *shout out to Matt G. for letting me steal this.

they also are entitled to WOZman’s Comp……no? anyone? too much?

-Whenever an ad comes on Spotify I always remove one earphone in an act of mild rebellion. They may be getting their message across BUT not exactly as they intended.

-A recent regret I have is tying my shoelaces moments after washing my hands. In that damp moment, it really hits home what they do all day.

-I went to the NY State Renaissance Faire this past weekend and, if you haven’t been, I can best describe the crowd aesthetic as, “Ugly Coachella” or, “Pregnant Women Smoking Cigarettes”.

On her way to the event lawn, Cameron was stopped by a fashion photographer.

– If you’re a man on his way to work and your wife beater if BLATANTLY visible under a button down and tie… you have failed.

– I wonder how many corny telescope operators refer to themselves as the, “paparazzi to the stars.”

“Trust me. Kim Kardashian’s got nothing on protoplanetary nebulae M1-92.”
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