reconstructing the universe

– When looking for event venues in Dallas, I learned of a KILLER space on the 6th floor of the School Book Depository.

– Bitchy tweens these days must say things like, “If Jenny had a website, it wouldn’t be Jenny.com it would be Jenny.VOM.” Actually, girls of today aren’t making domain name jokes, let me rephrase. Bitchy tweens in the LATE 90’s TOTALLY used that.

– I want to make a parody cover song of Mandy Moore’s, “Candy” but make it about Voltaire’s, “Candide.” If successful, it will be played in high school and college literature classes nationwide.

“I’m missing you like Candiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-eeeyaaa-de.”

– Fox has recently commissioned the making of Gotham, a show retelling stories of the adolescent characters we all know from Batman. Really, Fox? The last time I checked I didn’t give a shit about Poison Ivy as a sixth grader.  Are we supposed to think when watching that show, “oh, my, tonight’s plotline is reallllly shaping the character she will one day become.” I think we are taking this whole, “origin-story-Batman-begins” thing a little too far, don’t you? What’s next?

“We all know the story of Bruce Wayne, but what about his Father, Thomas? Next summer, Fox will take you on a trip back in time to when Thomas’ father, Elias, immigrated to Gotham from Austria as a boy to make a new life for the Wayne Family. This summer at 8/7c: Origin Tales of Beginnings that Paved the Way for Batman.”

And coming this fall, FOX will take you back in time to explore the very roots of Bruce Wayne. Roots that can be traced to his ancestors from more than 10,000 years ago in, “Batman Begins: Neolithic Knight”

At what point do gangsters call it a night? Like:

“Yo man, we gon’ smoke some cess, get in the truck, go kill some muufuckas, hit the strip club, we gon…..”

“…Actually y’all [yawns], I’m feelin pretty tired and shit. I like, woke up early as fuck today, you know what I’m sayin’? You do you, but I think I’m gonna head back.”

“What?! You tired??”

“Pssh, yeah man. I’m over here yawnin’. You guys go.”

{inhales deeply through nose} Damn bitch, I keep noddin’ off. I’m gonna go hit the haystacks, this shit can wait till tomorrow.”

– I want to go to a rodeo and tell people that it is, in actuality, my first.

– I want John Walsh from America’s Most Wanted to create a show called Behind Bars. The show would search for previously undiscovered mixologists and enlist America’s help to place them…behind bars.

“Tonight, we need your help America tracking down a bartender in the Tulsa area that, we believe, can muddle the best mojito base in town. With any luck, he is on a one-way street to find himself…behind bars.”

– A lot of anti-smoking ads these days try to liken smoking cigarettes to “signing a contract” or being “in an abusive relationship.” I think these don’t really capture the true relationship a smoker has with cigarettes and health.

I think an ad of this sort would be more effective if the cigarette was personified as a prison inmate and your body was the wall to his prison cell. Little by little the prisoner chips away at the wall in an attempt to escape, all the while no one in the jail suspects a thing until BAM! One day alarms go off and the cigarette has broken through the once strong fortification that has now crumbled under a single weak spot.

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