– “Fuckle Up!” – what I’m going to yell at my kids when we all get into the car.
– Extra strength Benadryl should be called “Power-dryl.”
– I wonder what real estate moguls think of graveyards? They must really get pissed off whenever they drive by a mass plot of acreage, covered by largely forgotten cement rectangles, knowing that the property value would be through the roof in about 15 years.
– I wonder if John Cusack ever tells people that he has a, “cute-sack”?
– I want to start a marketing campaign for TempurPedic where, over the summer, they go to a bunch of different Elm Streets across the country and set up beds for people to test out. The tagline: “With TempurPedic, You’ll never have a nightmare on Elm Street again!” Sure, I have some legal issues to iron out but you see where I’m going with this.
– I don’t have many games on my phone so one time I opened the calculator app to play a fun game of, “does Mike know his multiplication tables?” Let’s just say that game didn’t last very long.
– “This is where the calculated manipulation happens” – synonymous phrase for “this is where the magic happens.”
– I recently went to Medieval Times which was a lot like if Walt Disney threw an idea into the trashcan and an enterprising simpleton un-creased the blueprints and ran off to strip malls across the nation. A few things to note from my experiences in the realm.
1) There was a seemingly unrealistic number of six year old’s birthday parties at the 2 pm showing. Not five year old’s and not seven year old’s…six year old’s. A few forty-one year old’s and thirty-three year old’s were peppered in, but they were definitely the outliers.
2) To impart an heir of authenticity, no utensils are distributed for the entire 1/2 chicken you are provided thus making Medieval Times a terrible place to shake hands with someone.
3) You apparently do NOT have to sneak in your own bottle of hot sauce as the server claimed they, “have that.”
– How come there aren’t more ceiling fans made out of retro airplane propellers?
– It seems the one thing that would really benefit from a tracking number is an unborn baby.